Got Any Spare Change?
by A.D. Williams
Summary: Naraku was a successful business owner until Sesshomaru bought him out. Now he's working for that very man! Sesshomaru's better than thou attitude gets on everyone's nerves. Will Naraku simply endure it, or will he stick it to the man?
1. Fall From Grace

So, here I am, back with yet _another _story, but this is my final one. Considering that Inuyasha is soon to stop airing (or at least on adultswim. Not to mention, I'm probably getting too old to be writing fanficts) I figure, I'll stop writing when the show stops playing. I'm not sure how long this story will be (those who know me know I just kind of go with the flow. Perhaps not such a good idea, but it's my style), but it'll probably be kind of short, no longer than five or seven chapters.

But enough with the depressing stuff! Though I do just want to say this. In this story, I portray the characters completly different from their normal selves. If you have a problem with that, you have the right not to read this, of course.

Disclaimer: I own none of the Inuyasha characters except for in my daydreams where I imagine that me and Sesshomaru are together and...oh, snaps! Ya'll weren't supposed to hear that! But really though, I don't own even him (unfortunatly!)

**

* * *

**

Fall From Grace

(dosen't that sound like a song?)

I used to have it all, money, cars, women, (well, actually women said I looked too much like a woman, so I could never really keep a steady girl, but other than that...), you name it. My company was the biggest in all of Japan, and from there, I had spread across the globe, planting my headquarters in the U.S. I basically had a monopoly. I'd knocked all of the small fry out of business within the first year of my coming out, and from there, I steadily rose to the top. I was invinicble, nothing could stand in my way! Yes, things were going good for me. Until _he _came.

Only nineteen years old and had already made quite a name for himself. He'd been in _People Magazine_, The _New York Times_, and hell, he had even made it to be Person of the Year for the _Wall Street Journal_! Some how or another, this kid had risen to the top in half the time that it had tooken me, and his empire was still growing. He called it, Taisho Unlimited, keeping the name his old man had originally given it when it was nothing more than a small business. Sounds like a sporting goods store to me. The moment I saw that impassive face speaking to the cameras from somewhere over in China, I knew that something was up. But I ignored it. People loved my company, why would they want to switch?

But they did. The younger, the better. Being a big shot wasn't good enough for him, nooo! He had to go and build all of his establishments right next to mine! You'd be walking up the street and see my company, and right next to it, his. His with the expansive gardens out front. His with the huge, hundred-foot water fountain and crystal sculpture in the middle. His with the life-sized statue of him smack dab in your vison with one hand on his side and the other pointing out toward the city as if saying "Today, Japan. Tomorrow, the world!" And then there was mine. Mine with the cold, gray, steel walls. Mine with concrete surrounding the entire foundation. Mine with a giant picture of me on the tele-screen out side and my sports drink slogan: "Drink Naraku's Miasma. Get's you addicted like crack!"

Yes, everything seemed perfect. But now, I'm working in a hell hole. My income has dropped by more than 70 and as if that's not bad enough, my convertable and my condo were repossessed because I wasn't able to pay the notes due on them. All of this ties in with Mr. Gotta Have It All. Let me explain.

_Flashback _

Naraku parked in his usual parking spot, the one labeled "Head Honcho". Getting out, he stood watching the suicide doors close. He never grew tired of doing it. Whistling cheerily to himself as he entered the building, he checked with his secretary, Ayame. "You have a message from Mr. Biggs, sir." Naraku smiled knowingly to himself. _Good. Maybe now he's willing to close our deal. _

He strode to the elevators, pleased when the lift came down and he saw that it was empty. So far, so perfect. As he got in and the doors were about to close, he saw a young employee running towards him. Naraku simply gave a smile, shook his head, and shrugged. "Sorry," he mouthed, not even trying to hold the door open. He loved that, the thrill of watching an employee run his ass off to make it to the elevator only to have the door shut in their face. Their expression was priceless.

Getting to his twentieth-floor office, he checked his answering machine to see if Mr. Biggs had indeed decided to go through with the deal. But as soon as he heard the man's voice, he knew that trouble was about to come. "Look, Onigumo--" _How many times do I have to tell him not to call me that? Nobody's called me Onigumo since I was a freshman in college!-- _"I know you wanted that deal to go through, the one about having your company's logo printed on the spinning rims I make, but there's this new guy, and he's real professional and...well, there's no easy way to say it. He throws a better pitch. I'm sorry."

The message ended and the room was filled with a deafening silence. "That son of a bitch! How can he do that to me? My products are way better than some damn...who is this guy anyways?" Naraku called Mr. Biggs office, but his secretary said that he wasn't in at the moment. "I know he's screening his calls," Naraku muttered. Quickly though, he shrugged off the whole thing. So he lost one deal, so what? There were many more to make and even if he didn't, his company was the richest sports drink company in the world, earning an income even greater than Gaterade and Powerade combined.

_End of Flashback_

How was I to know that that one lost deal was the begining of the end? Within just a few short months, sales on my products had decreased by more than half. My employees became fewer and fewer until, finally, it seemed that all had quit. All except for Kagura, and that's because I hold her heart, literally, and if she dared tried to leave me, I'd kill her in an instant.

I tried every trick of the trade to bring them all back, but it was useless. I couldn't compete with the young, sophisticated dog demon. I loathed him with a passion and I hadn't even met the man! But that too was about to change.

My business soon hit rock bottom. Rather than waiting to go bankrupt, I used what dignity I had left to sell the company. Later I learned that all the buildings just became testing facilities for Sesshomaru's products.

No longer employed, I set out to find a job, a white collar one preferably. But no one would hire me! I guess they saw what had happened to my business and figured I had nothing to offer but bad luck. Eventually, I did find a job. At Burger King. I had gone from being a sucessful aristocrat, to flipping burgers. Boy, how the mighty have fallen.

But even that job wasn't destined to last. Two hours on the job, I was fired for not giving a vegitarian a whopper with no meat. I said it de-moraled the burger; he said it de-moraled the cow. I hate that damn slogan: "Have it your way". He won. I lost a job. The world kept spinning, but I sank deeper into debt.

I decided to try my last chance for a good office job. With Taisho Unlimited. Sticking my ego as far back into the recesses of my mind, I filled out an application right there in the front lobby. Coincidently, Sesshomaru himself walked up to me. "Mr. Onigumo! What a pleasant surprise! I heard about what happend to your company and I want you to know that you have my deepest apologies." He looked down and noticed my application form. "Oh, you want to apply for a job here? Well, right now I'm a little over-staffed, what with everyone from your company coming to work for me, but...I think I can squeeze you in. Your're hired!"

I wanted to spit in his face, but I desperatly needed the money. I followed him to the elevator where he said he'd show me around the place. I don't know how it happened, but the doors closed in _my _face. Now I was the one standing there looking like an idiot. "Meet me on the thirtieth floor," he called through the doors. Waiting thirty floors was like waiting for world hunger to end. It might happen, but it'd take forever in a lifetime.

I found a back door and started taking the stairs two at a time. Five minutes later, I was going only one at a time and dragging my feet far behind me. By the time I finally reached the thirtieth floor, I was exahusted and pissed. There stood Mr. Perfect, tapping his foot impatiently and talking on a cell phone. "Okay, Steve, I'll get back to you." He hung up. "What took you so long? Christ could have Raptured his church by the time you got here. Come on, we have a lot of space to cover in a very short period of time. I want you to know that it is a privilage for me to be the one to show you around, considering my busy schedule."

I hadn't even been in his presence no longer than half and hour and already I wanted to kill him. If his schedule was that damn busy, why didn't he just have someone show me around? This was just the begining of a very long and stressful career working with this ego maniac.

* * *

Wow, that chapter went on a little longer than I planned, but none the less, I hope you liked it. So, review and tell me what you think! 


	2. Kissing the Big Guy's Ass

**Kissing the Big Guy's Ass**

"Here at Taisho Unlimited, we treat all of our staff the same." Sesshomaru was pointing out various offices with different titles on the door plaques, like "copy room, " or conference room." Naraku was hardly listening to him until he stopped in front of a very expansive office. "Being the former CEO of your own company, you're probably used to having the best, hm?" Naraku barely nodded. He was too mesmerized with the room. It had a very large window in back that showed the entire front of the building and it's beautiful gardens.

Then there was the perfect office chair, the kind that every executive deserved. And the computer! Newest technology, state of the art, absolutly perfect. The carpet was the softest he'd ever seen, the kind that made you sink in an inch or two. He loved it all.

"You like?" Sesshomaru asked. Naraku nodded again. "Well, that's nice. But this is perphaps a little big for you. Let me show you something more appropriate for your...status." Leading him down a hall, he entered a part of the floor that was filled with about thirty cubicles. Going to the very back corner of the room, Sesshomaru stopped. "Here you go! Quite cozy, don't you think?" The cubicle was hardly big enough for the old, small Apple computer that sat on the desk. His chair didn't have wheels, but rather was one of the kind of chairs a student might sit in at school. And why was there a coffee machine on the desk too?

"How's this for you?" Sesshomaru asked Naraku. He was about to reply, but Sesshomaru cut him off. "Now, now. Don't waste mine and your time talking about it. Go ahead, try it out!" Naraku casted him a look, then sat down. The desk was to small. His legs barely fit underneath it. The only way to sit somewhat comfortably was by stretching out his legs in front of him. He felt like a twelfth grader trying to sit at a pre-school desk.

"Well?" Sesshomaru asked expectantly. "It's a little small, don't you think?" Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes at him. "What are you talking about? There are employees here who would _die _to have this spot! I saved it specially for you and that's the thanks I get? Onigumo, considering your business history, you should be glad I'm risking the future of my company for you. You should be more greateful." And with that, he walked away.

Naraku sighed. If this wasn't the only place that would hire him, he'd have told Sesshomaru exactly what he thought of him and his cramped-ass cubicle. But instead, he swollowed the words and looked around. His eyes landed on someone who was peaking over the side of the low wall that seperated his work place from anyone else.

"Hi!" The guy said. Actually, he was nothing more than a boy, perhaps only seventeen or eighteen. "I'm Kohanu!" He stuck out his hand. When he noticed that Naraku was just going to stare bitterly at it, he pulled it back. "I know, it seems bad at first, but after awhile, you get used to it! Like me, for example. When I first came here, Mr. Taisho was real hard on me. But now I know he was only like that to help me reach my full potential."

Naraku had been watching the bouncing ball from his screen saver, but at those words, he looked up. "Your full potential? What exactly did Sesshomaru have you do when you first came here?" "Oh, I had to do things like, make copies of memo's and type up buisness letters, stuff like that." Naraku stared at him. "So, in other words you were his secretary." "Oh, no! Far from it! Don't you see how much I helped out the company? Anyone can do a secretary's job. But _I _did so much more! My work was actually rewarded!"

Naraku took on a dry, sarcastic tone. "Oh, really? How's that?" "Mr. Taisho gave me a promotion!" Here, Naraku sat up fully. "A promotion?" "Yeah, new jobs, more money, everything!" The boy had caught his attention. "So, what's your new job?" "I run errands for Mr. Taisho himself. I help him by bringing him coffee and picking up his dry cleaning, those type of things." Naraku narrowed his eyes at him in disgust. "So you went from being a male secretary, to being Sesshomaru's personal ass-kisser. Great move."

Kohanu frowned for a moment, as though he'd never stopped to consider this. "No, I don't kiss Mr. Taisho's ass. I just do favors for him. He can't trust many people, you know. He says I'm about the only one he can." Naraku nearly gagged. "Yeah, I bet he says that to all his employees."

"Actually, it's true," A girl across Kohanu's cubicle said. She had dark hair with streaks of red at front. "I'm Ayamuri," She said, not bothering to extend her hand as Kohanu had done. "Sesshomaru told that to me when I came here, and Sango in the communications department said that he had said it to her. Kagome too." Naraku was shocked at the names she just said. _So it looks like that damn hanyou and friends are also slaves to Sesshomaru's tyranny. _

Naraku withdrew from the conversation, letting Kohanu and Ayamuri battle their views out. Kohanu, being the dumb-ass faithful employee that he was, argued that Sesshomaru was sincere in saying that he was the only one he could trust. Ayamuri said that it was all bull and that he trusted no one but his money and himself. Silently, Naraku agreed with her.

Since he hadn't been given instructions on what to do exactly, and not being able to stand being near the two teenagers bickering much longer, Naraku simply went on home to his small apartment. Sesshomaru had his number; he could call and inform him on what to do later. He just hoped that he didn't end up as another ass-kisser. Seemed that he already had enough of them.

* * *

For anyone who's read my first story "Nuisance Company" would know that Kohanu was my made-up main character from there. I had said that I didn't want to just throw him out after the story, so I've resurrected him in this one! Also for anyone who had read that story, you'll know that I kept his personallity pretty much the same, naive and dumb, as usual! As for Ayamuri, she's someone that I'd been wanting to have in a story, but she didn't fit the settings. It's the kind of name I'd want if I were Japanese!

Oh, and has anyone else noticed how close Kohanu's name is to Kohaku's? I didn't notice that myself until after I had finished writing Nuisance Company!


	3. Public Transportation part one

**Public Transportation **

**(part one)**

* * *

The next morning, Naraku recieved his wake up call. "Onigumo, wakie, wakie! Rise and shine princess! Today's your first day of of course you don't want to be late! I'm here to ensure just that, I'm not your boss for nothing you know. So, why don't you get yourself up, dressed, showered, have yourself about five cups of coffee (you're not exactly young anymore and I know how you old people get when you don't have your caffeine) and get on down to the office, okay?"

Naraku rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked at his clock. "Sesshomaru-" "That's _Mr. _Sesshomaru to you. Or Mr. Taisho, or Sesshomaru-sama or Taisho-sama. Take your pick, I got more." Naraku gave a heavy sigh. "Fine, _Mr. _Sesshomaru, it's six in the morning. Not to mention, I don't exactly have any transportation."

Sesshomaru gave a chuckle. "I figured you wouldn't with you losing your buisness to me and whatnot, so I sent the company car pooling vehicle." Just then, a loud honk came from outside Naraku's bedroom window. He looked out to see a very ancient 60-ish van cram-packed with people in it. On closer inspection, Naraku saw that Kohanu, Ayamuri, Inuyasha, and Miroku were fighting for space up front where really only two people were supposed to sit. In the back, Sango, Kagome, Akitoki, Houjo, Jiningi, (who was taking up most of the space), Kaede and Kikyou were squished on the two rows of seats. Something tiny was on Inuyasha's shoulder and Naraku squinted his eyes for a better view. Myouga. No way in hell was he about to squeeze his ass in a van ment for nine with eleven people (twelve if you count the flea) already in it. And why the hell was Kaede working for Sesshomaru?

"Sesshomaru-" "_Mr. _Sesshomaru-" "_Sesshomaru", _Naraku emphasized, showing that he wasn't going to use his title. "Not no, but hell no am I getting in that damn van. What the fuck are you running, a circus? Seeing how many people you can cram into the Mystery Machine before the damn thing breaks from stress on the axles?" Sesshomaru chuckled again. "You don't have to take me up on my polite offer of car pooling. I mean, there _is _always public transportation." And with another chuckle, he hung up.

"Freak," Naraku muttered. Looking out the window again, the embarrasing scene with everyone in the van was gone, a cloud of ozone killing fog in its place. He took a quick shower, drying off his hair as he decended the stairs. Kanna was sitting on the couch upside down, eating a bowl of cereal, Kagura was at the kitchen table eating a bagel. "Morning, Mr. Broke. Can I get you anything? A dumpster to root out of? Perhaps you'd like a meatless burger?" Naraku glared at her. "It's not my fault that that dumb ass decided to go to Burger King, king of the meats, and order a meatless whopper. If he wanted that, he could have made that at home. Any while your talking, how come _you're _not working?

Now it was Kagura's turn to galre it him. "Because your dumb ass told me not to, Mr Macho man who said that he'd provide everything for us and then goes and loses his entire business." Naraku frowned. "Yeah, well I wasn't expecting that." "Of course not, shit happens." Somewhere deep, deep _deep _inside him, he felt a little guilty about losing his business on her behalf. Her being his prize creation, he had always made sure he treated her well, letting her go on shopping sprees and taking Kanna to any five-star restaurant that she wanted. Now they were reduced down to eating- "Is that a bagel?"

Kagura looked down at the bagel in her hand. "Yes it is. Want one?" Naraku made a face. "I hate bagels." He started to leave out the door when his stomach growled. He stopped and hit a u-turn, grabbing the bagel that Kagura knowingly held out for him. _I used to be able to have full platter breakfasts at IHop. Now I've been reduced down to eating petrified raisens in wheat bread. _

Naraku decided to take the subway to get to work. The thing was, though, the subway was two miles from his apartment, meaning that he would have to take the bus to get to the subway! He sat down at the corner of the street at the pus stop. An middle aged man sat down next to him. "Now back when I was in the war, I had a friend named Bubba who told me all about how we could enter the shrimpin' business and about all these dishes his mama used to make, like shrimp and potatoes, shrimp soup, shrimp and rice, shrimp and--" "Excuse me," Naraku interupted. "But I don't give a damn about any of this. Why the fuck are you telling me it?" The man looked at him for a moment, then from nowhere, produced a small box. "Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you're gonna get." "Man, get that the fuck away from me!" He looked offended for a moment, then got up and went over to another bench and started talking to an elderly woman.

The bus arrived twenty minutes later, making him behind schedule ten minutes. As soon as he stepped on, he noticed that every seat was filled. Except one at the back. He headed there, noting that the man who sat there, though unkept and unshaven, was asleep. How bad could sitting next to him be?

Two minutes into the ride, the man awoke and started talking to himself. "Where am I? Why am I here? I want my health benefits! Give me my rights! I should be able to go out any time I want to, not be confined to my room after seven!" _What the hell is he talking about? _Naraku thought. A young woman in front of them turned around and smiled at Naraku. "Don't worry about him. He get's like that sometimes. He thinks he's back at the nursing home, but we're on a run to the pharmacy to get his perscription filled out."

Naraku tried not to mind him, but it's kind of hard to act like the man who's sitting next to you who's talking to himself is sane. Suddenly, the man stood up and took a glass bottle that he had had concealed in his jacket and broke it on the seat, pointing the sharp edges at Naraku. "I say, sonny, give me your booty or me gonna stab your liver-bellied heart out." Naraku made a sour face. "Look, I'm not like that. I know I look like a woman, but--" "I said, give me your loot!" Naraku looked at the young woman in front of them. She turned around and pleasently smiled at them again. "He does this sometimes, thinks he's a pirate. He's just playing."

But this man didn't seem like he was playing, holding this broken bottle to his throat and demanding his booty. He pressed is harder to his skin. Naraku lost his nerve and took off his plain pewter chain and fake Gucci watch. "The be-dazzled sunglasses too." Naraku unhooked them from his shirt and handed them over. The bus stopped and both the man and the woman got off.

_Ain't that a bitch! I just got punked for my fake jewlery! What the hell happend to me? _He sighed and sat back. Maybe that man was right. Life _is _like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.

* * *

So, who knows who the man on the bench was? I think that everyone does, but I just figured I'd ask the question anyways. Hope you liked it and I plan to have my next chapter out hopefully tommorow. Please review and tell me what you think! 


	4. Public Transportation part 2

**Public Transportation**

**(part two)**

The bus ride from hell lasted twelve more blocks, until Naraku finally was able to get off and hit the subway station. The only problem was, everyone seemed to be coming _out _of the subway, while he was trying to get _in. _He pushed his way through, but it all seemed pointless. Just when he had reached the ticket booth, a fresh wave knocked him back, forcing him back up the stairs to the begining. But what really was pissing him off was that everyone seemed to not care if they tramped on other's shoes.

He tried to keep his feet from in front of them, but still they got stepped on. Finally he screamed at a man, "Watch where your walking, buddy! That's pure gator's you're stepping on!" "Fuck off, pal! They're fake anyways!" Naraku was on the hush-mouth. They _were_ fake, but still, they were about all he had left to wear, not really being able to afford new shoes at the moment.

Mercifully, he was able to get back to the ticket counter and pass on through the gate. He watched as people milled around, waiting for the subway to come. He didn't know if it was just him, but it seemed like everyone had a Starbucks coffee in their hands, like in that commercial where everyone is dancing around in their work suits as if today was really going to bring something new just because they were drinking Starbucks. It pissed him off because he wished that that were true, that by drinking and singing "I will make today the day", or whatever, he'd get his company back, or at least get a good position working for the obnoxious Sesshomaru. He sighed. Life sucked.

And still he was being jostled! Twice he almost fell on the tracks. _Somebody's trying to kill me. _Another person pushed him and he lost it. He released his miasma, happy to see when the people started dropping like flies. "There, that's more like it! Uh-oh, wait. Is this the sleeping miasma or the killing miasma?" He looked around and heard no snoring."Oh, shit." He started whistling over cherrily to himself, and started walking leisurly away from the scene of the crime, then broke into a jog, then started sprinting.

He got about two blocks worth covered before he heard the subway behind him. There wasn't much space to move on the side, about two feet, and just the sound of the cars behind him made his legs weak; something told him that he'd probably end up falling into or in front of the train, a perfect ending for a perfect life. He could just imagine the headliners: "Broke Woman Wearing Fake Gator Shoes Jumps in Front of Subway. Catch the full story tonight on Fox."

He stopped running and braced himself against the wall and hoped the rattling of the cars wouldn't be enough to make him fall over. As the cars whooshed by, he held for dear life onto a crack in the wall. "How come when people are listing the most dangerous and extreme sports in the world, walking on the side of subways isn't one of them? I could really break a record for this!" But just as the train was about to fully pass by, he fell over. Luckily, he grabbed a pole on the back and pulled himself inside the train.

Trying to find a seat on the subway was completly different than finding one on the bus. While the bus was crowded, the subway hardly had anyone on it. Naraku chose a spot near the front of the car so as to be one of the first off. He was already behind schedule by an hour. He happily sat down in something wet. Somebody's throw up. "Oh, now this shit is ridiculous! Who the fuck throws up on a subway?" "I do," a man next to him said. Naraku was about to get up and move, when the man grabbed his shirt. "I don't have anything!" Naraku said quickly. "I gave everything on me to some crazy old guy on the bus!" The man looked him over for a moment, then pointed at his shoes.

"What about those?" Naraku went pale. "These? These are my only shoes I have and they've got to last me till my first check, whenever that is." The man was silent for a moment, then said. "How much?" "I already told you, they're not for sale." The man shook his head. "Not them, _you. _How much?" Naraku decided not to dignify the man with an answer. Unfortunatly, that wasn't a good move. "That's alright, missy. I like me's the quiet types." Naraku stiffend and casted him a side glance.

The idiot was smiling in what Naraku guessed was supposed to be a sexy smile. It appeared nothing of the like, his mouth missing over half of his teeth and what remained was the color and texture of butter. "How about this. You give me a Cleveland Steamer for fifty. Is that good?" "Hell no!" "Okay, okay, don't get touchy. A hundred." Naraku gagged "I'm a man! Leave me the hell alone!" The other guy mumbled something to himself and turned away, appearing asleep. But Naraku had already learned that looks can be decieving, so he decided to stand up instead.

As the train traveled, it rounded a sharp corner, throwing Naraku into the man. "So, you've changed your mind pretty lady?" "Damn it, didn't I just tell you I'm a man?" The other guy looked him up and down again, then said, "You know, I'm not as old as I look. I gotta take me a few Viagra before I get going but once you've had me that's all you'll need." It took all of Naraku's might to keep from throwing up.

The train came to a stop a moment later, and whether this was his stop or not, Naraku got off. The man got off too. Naraku broke into a run, but despite the man's age, he kept up with him! "I'm gonna get you my pretty!" "Aaagghh!" Naraku screamed, then thought of something: his saimiyousho. Pulling the nest from withing his coat pocket, he threw it behind him. A second later, he heard the blissful cries of someone being tortured. But it wasn't the man, it was the insects. Having lifted up his arms, the man had knocked out everything within twenty yards of him. The only reason Naraku was spared was because he was heading away from him.

Finally, Taisho Unlimited came into view. Never had Naraku felt so glad to see that building. In fact, he still wasn't happy to see it, but it seemed just a little bit less menacing than before. Running inside, he didn't stop until he was safely in the elevator. _How in the hell do I manage to get myself into situations like this? _

He stumbled out when the doors opened, heading toward his cubicle in an exahusted daze. Unfortunatly, though, he was intercepted by Sesshomaru. "Where the hell have you been? You're two hours late! And what the fuck is that smell? It smells like Big Foot's ass!" Naraku took a few deep breaths before he said, "I sat down in some old man's puke who wanted to have sex with me." The entire floor went silent.

Sesshomaru up-turned his nose at him in a snobbish way. "Oh, now that's just fucking sick. Now you have the smell to go along with the hooker look you're sporting. Way to go, Onigumo." And with that, he left, smirking at his own inginuity. Naraku growled silently to himself and sat down at his desk. No one talked to him, saved Kohanu.

"Hey, Naraku! How's your--" He stopped as he caught a whiff of him. He disappeared over the side of his cubicle again, then reappeared with a car air freshener, pine scented. He put it on his nose, then silently sank back onto his side, typing extremely fast and loud on his computer, as if that would block out the smell.

Inuyasha walked in the front entrance of the floor, but immediatly hit a u-turn, calling over his shoulder, "What the hell smells like Hoshiyomi's ass?" Hoshiyomi, sitting across the room from Naraku, threw a blast at Inuyasha, but it missed and sizzled a hole through the wall. "That's coming out of your paycheck, Mr. Hoshiyomi," Sesshomaru said over a loud speaker. Hoshiyomi got up and threw his desk out a wall, then stormed out. "That too," Sesshomaru added.

Naraku sighed and got to typing random stuff. Never again in his life would he take public transportaion. Compared to his morning, the over-packed Mystery Machine looked like a grand limo ride. Well, almost.

* * *

So, there you go, another chapter to keep you guys happy! Hope you liked it, and review to tell me exactly what you think! Oh, and for anyone who dosen't know who Hoshiyomi is, do you remember the episodes where Akitoki Houjo had to get the Naginata (don't know if I spelled that right!) of Ken-Kon sealed? Hoshiyomi is the villian that they fight during those episodes. Why the hell is he too working for Sesshomaru, I don't know, but don't look too much into it. This story is probably going to mention just about _everybody _from the show at least once. For example I put Jiningi, that over-grown whatever (though his daddy was fine as hell! Kind of looked like Sesshomaru!) in the last chapter. Anyways, let me quit rambling. Please reveiw! 


	5. Conference Meeting

Sorry, folks, for not updating last weekend. Computer problems. Well, I have the chapter ready now, so read and enjoy!

**

* * *

**

Conference Meeting

"I need everyone to meet me in the conference room immediatly," Sesshomaru blared through the loud speaker. Naraku didn't want to know what reason the bastard had for calling this meeting, but he evidently had no choice but to go. Free will here was out the window.

As everyone got up, he noticed that many people not on this floor were heading toward Sesshomaru's office. _Is this for the entire company? Great, even the conference room is packed like the car-pooling vehicle. _But only about thirty people went to the conference and amazingly, there was plenty of space for everyone.

They all sat, waiting while Sesshomaru continued to write something down on some papers, flipping back and forth on the stack. The room was completly silent. Finally, after about five minutes, he put his pen down. "Look, I'm not going to waste your time today, so let me just get to the point." _As if ignoring us for five minutes isn't wasting time, _Naraku thought. Sesshomaru continued. "I have for the longest time been wanting to build a theme park for our loyal customers. Unfortunatly though, in order to do that, there's going to have to be some cut backs. Kaede, you're fired."

The old woman screamed. "But, Lord Sesshomaru, I have insurance invested in this company. You mean to tell me that after all of that money, ye is just going to fire me?" Sesshomaru examined the huge diamond ring on his pinky in a dull fashion. "What can I say? Times are hard for everyone." Kaede was in tears now. "But I have no insurance outside of the company. I don't even have an AARP card or Medicare!" "Not my problem. Now, how about you quit crying a river and go clean out your cubicle, hm?"

Kaede got up and as fast as she could go, ran sobbing out of the room. Kikyou stood up. "Sesshomaru, you vile thing, you! I--" "Kikyou, that's the best you can call me? What are you gonna do, shoot me with one of your sacred arrows? Go ahead, try it. Oh, wait, weapons are not allowed in the building. So, how about this. You can join your mother." "That's my sister." "Whatever, get going with your uncle."

Kikyou too stormed out. "Okay, so what's next on the agenda?" Sesshomaru said, leafing through the papers again. "Ah, the company family day. All of you are to bring a family member up here on Saturday for the picnic and games. Dosn't matter who, just make sure they're here. And we'll be getting together the company basketball team. Naraku, you have to play." Naraku narrowed his eyes at him. "And what if I don't want to?" "And what if you didn't have a job?" Sesshomaru countered. Naraku growled silently, but sat back and said nothing.

"Now, this is a very important event. We want the world to see how friendly we are. That we care for the future of the families that work here because this company _is _the future for those families. I want them to know that we're not just about the big guy, but that we also consider the little guy as well." And here, he looked pointedly at Naraku. Miroku raised his hand. "What if we don't have any family?" "Then I guess you don't have a job either. Grab somebody off the street, I don't care, just bring somebody."

"There, now that that's finished, I have one last piece of buisness to discuss, but first, Naraku, you stink. Okay, moving on. I need a new apprentice, one who's hard working and dedicated. Someone who knows not to ask questions becaues they know that everything I do, I do it for a reason. So, let me just figure out who that special someone will be." Sesshomaru's eyes roamed the room, passing by the excited Kohanu who was jumping up in his seat and waving his hand frantically in the air. They lingered on Inuyasha, but moved on. "Naraku, how about you?"

Some how, Naraku knew that he was going to be it. "And how about no?" "And how about I fire you? How do you like them apples?" Kohanu couldn't stay quiet any longer. "Sir, I'm your most faithful employee, remember? I'll run all of your errands and--" "Kohanu, as much as I like having my ego stroked by ass-kissers like you, you're over doing it a bit. I want to feel someone else's lips touch this soft behind", Sesshomaru said, then turned his attention to Naraku again. "Well? What's it gonna be, yes, or fired?"

Once again, Naraku cursed himself for not just giving that vegitarian his meatless Whooper. At least he'd have a job that didn't entitle him to be an errand boy. "Fine, but I want a raise." "Ooh, that's a lot considering there are employees here who have worked for me since before the company went big and still haven't gotten a raise. Take for example, Inuyasha. Why do you think he's still wearing the same thing he wore 500 years ago? Becuase he has no money! Since he has no education and for some reason is completly unwilling to at least _try _and get one and I'm the only one who will hire him (dosen't that sound like someone else we know?), I get to set the payment plan. And there's no government to go running to to complain about labor laws. I _am _the government."

Naraku cursed under his breath, then gave a very small shake of his head. "I'm sorry, Onigumo, what was that? I coudn't hear you?" "I said son of a bitch," Naraku all but screamed. Strangely, Sesshomaru only smiled that evil smirk of his. "Yes I am. And what a fine bitch she was!" With a wave of his hand, he dismissed everyone.

Naraku took his sweet time getting back to his cubicle. Here he was, first day on the job and not even sure of what his job was exacatly and already he was being told to bring a family member to work, join a team for a sport that he knew next to nothing about, and to be Sesshomaru's male secretary. Serving meatless Whoopers was heaven compared to this.

He typed random things on his screen in Microsoft Word until the hour hand on the clock in the room reached five. He tried to leave with everyone else, but they rushed past him, trying not to be the one stuck in the elevator with him due to the subway throw-up still on his pants. Speaking of the subway, he walked the entire fourty blocks home, not even considering on taking a taxi.

He opened the door to his apartment and recieved a kick to the area where the sun don't shine by Hakudoshi. "I'm hungry, you lazy fuck! What's for dinner?" Naraku crumbled to the ground, gasping for breath. "Why didn't you fix something?" Hakudoshi gave a fake thoughtful look. "Hm, maybe because we don't have anything to fix! You haven't shopped in over a month!" Struggling to regain his composure, Naraku stood up and hobbled into the kitchen to see if what he said held any validity.

It did. There was almost literally _nothing _in the cabinets, fridge, or pantry. He found a little bit of peanut butter in the corner of a jar from God only knows how long ago. Reaching in a bottom cabinet, he produced a can of split pea soup. "Bon appetite." Hakudoshi kicked him in his nads again. "I'm allergic to peanut butter, you sorry fuck!" He threw the jar down on him, then turned on his heel and left.

_Oh, I'm happy you're allergic to peanut butter, you ungrateful little snot! I'll make sure to add a little to your next meal. Where ever that comes from. _Just then, Kanna walked in. "Hakudoshi whipped your ass," She stated in that monotonous voice of hers. "Kanna, get the hell away from me," Naraku gritted out.

As he laid there on the floor, he wondered what he was going to do about dinner. He had a little bit of money in the bank but he was trying to keep that in there to earn interest. Evidently that was out the window. Getting up again and hoping that Hakudoshi wasn't in the area to kick him down again, he left out.

_Some where cheap, some where cheap..._ Naraku thought after withdrawing his measly fifty dollars. He finally found a place that looked like the prices where low enough to accomodate his situation. He stood in line with the cars going through the drive through. When he reached the window, the man behind the glass didn't open it. Instead, he called through, "Sir, this is a _drive through_. You need a car." Naraku quickly grew pissed at him.

"Does it matter if I do or don't have a car? Is walking up to the window going to make the line go any slower? They'd still have to wait for the food! And besides, I've already ordered. Just give me my food and I'll be on my way." "I'm sorry sir, but you'll have to come inside to get it." A wave from Naraku's youki (demonic energy) shattered the glass. "I'm right fucking here! Why go all the way around to the front to get what you can give me right here? Just give me my damn food! I could've been out of here by now!" The man seemed taken aback by this out-burst and handed the paper bag full of greasy burgers and fries to him. "Thank you!" Naraku said sarcastically.

As he walked home, something in the back of his mind nagged at him like an old married couple until he decided to try to figure out what it was. After a momet, it hit him. Back there, having that man tell him that he had to go around to pick up his order knowing that just handing it through the window was easier, some where deep inside him, an old memory, he remembered doing something of the like to someone else. The vegitarian. He hated admitting it, but like that other man, he too used to be an annoying prick. Just like Sesshomaru was now. Maybe one day he'd get off his high horse and see that he wasn't so mighty after all. _Yeah right. And maybe one day I'll get to date Oprah. _

* * *

Okay, so the entire chapter wasn't about the conference meeting, I know. But most of it was (I think!) and the meeting emphasized Naraku's point about him once being a complete arrogant ass hole once like Sesshomaru, so that's good too. Anyways, enough with the jabbering. Please review! 


	6. Sometimes it's Just Better to Carpool

I didn't mean to wait so long before I updated, but since I can only update at the library, and this is the first time I've been able to get down here in a moment, this is the soonest I could post another chapter. But to make up for my long absence, I've posted two chapters! Can I get a whoop-whoop? No? Fine then! Forget all of ya'll!

**

* * *

**

Sometimes It's Just Better To Car-pool

As Naraku got dressed the next morning, he wondered about who he was going to bring to the company picnic. Go figure Sesshomaru would announce something like this almost a day late. "Let's see, there's Kagura," he said to himself. "No, She might find Sesshomaru attractive and try to run off with him. In which case I'll just squeeze her heart until she comes crawling back to me. But no, I don't think Kagura's the one. Kanna? She _is_ the silent one. All I'd have to do was bring her. She'd follow me around like an obedient dog and I'd have no trouble with her. Perfect!"

With his mind made up, he decended the stairs with confidence. But it seemed that someone up above didn't want him to have a good day (as though any day was a good day after he'd lost his business!) and trouble started almost immediatly. "Naraku, I ain't doing it," Kagura said from the couch, a cigarette between her fingers. She hardly ever smoked; this must be serious. "You ain't doing what?" Naraku asked. "Them," Kagura said, pointing to Hakudoshi, who was absorbed with the game he was playing on the PS 3 (one of the last things Naraku was able to buy before everything hit the fan), and to Kanna, who was drilling silent holes in Kagura, staring at her with that impassive look that surpassed even Sesshomaru's.

"They're freakin' me out, man! Hakudoshi tunes out everything but the sound of that damn gun on the game blowing everyone's head off, and Kanna just keeps staring and staring, like she has some kind of problem. Quit fuckin' staring at me!" Kagura screamed at her. The girl didn't even blink. "I ain't doing it," Kagura said again, taking a long drag. "I ain't staying here with them, oh no, baby. I don't do the babysitting thing. You mentioned something about today being some kind of family day. Well, I'm coming with you." Naraku's eyes widened. "Well, you see, Kagura--" Just then, Kanna blinked and Hakudoshi paused the game to turn around and look at them.

"We're going with you," Kanna said in her whispery voice. "Yeah, whether you like it or not," Hakudoshi added. "Which I don't," Naraku snapped. Hakudoshi got up and made like he was about to foot him in his boys again, effectively making Naraku flinch. "Bitch," the boy muttered to himself. "Besides, I'm tired of sitting here. This game's getting boring. I want to see what exactly you do that's supposed to earn an income large enough to bring back what we had. And my ass is killing me from sitting on this pleather. Who the fuck owns pleather?" Hakudoshi gestured to the couches. "What the fuck _is _pleather?" "Plastic leather," Kanna supplied. "See? That's what I'm talking about. Plastic and leather. You had all that money,but you couldn't afford decent furniture? Oh, but you can go out and buy a Play Station 3."

Naraku gritted his teeth. "That just shows how much I love you guys, putting your _wants _before my _needs._" "Bullshit!" Kanna countered. "You don't give a damn about anyone else but you! You wanted to save your money to open up a chain of sleazy motels in Las Vagas. That PS3 was stolen from Toy's R Us!" Everyone stared at her. Just as suddenly as she had exploded, her face changed back to its normal state and she resumed staring at Kagura.

"So, we're going with you and that's final," Kagura said, putting her cigarette out in an ash tray and getting up. Naraku stared at her incredulously. "Ya'll ain't going looking like that, are you? Wearing the same thing you wear on the show, day in and day out?" Kagura stared back at him. "Why not? You do." Naraku just sighed and held open the door for them.

Despite his company, he didn't try to take a cab, bus or the subway. "How come we're walking?" Kagura asked. "Because, the last time I took public transportation, I was robbed and nearly raped." Hakudoshi immediatly burst out laughing. "Ha! You was almost somebody's bitch! I can imagine that, some guy like eight feet tall forcing you to cook dinner for him and rub oil on his back!" The boy stopped walking and whistled. A moment later, a giant horse came down from the sky to land beside him. He and Kanna hopped on. "We're taking Entei, you he-she. Just because you have to walk in fear of becoming a man-whore dosen't mean we have to." And with that, they took off.

Kagura took one more look at him before she whipped out one of her feathers and flew off too. "Traitors!" Naraku shouted to the wind. Then something hit him. Couldn't he fly too? It'd be in the red shield, but he'd get to work faster. A smile glinting his face, he rose steadily in the sky. He closed his eyes and let the little bit of wind that could enter the bubble cool his face. Just when it seemed that he was about to fall asleep, a loud buzzing forced him to open his eyes. A commercial plane's turbine was about to hit him.

Quickly he veered out the way, but not before glancing off a wing, flipping over it and being blown across the back windows of the plane, causing panic to erupt inside. The plane took on a dangerous nose-dive, then crashed in the city park. Naraku stopped flying for a moment, when he saw no survivors, then slowly floated away. _Whoops! My bad!_

Continuing on his way to work, Naraku decided to keep his eyes open this time. He saw a white cloud in the distance, but paid no attention to it until he saw that it was heading directly toward him with no signs of slowing. He tried to move out of the way of this, but he was attacked before he could. Princess Abi's fire birds. "Oh, come on now! Can't you see I have somewhere to go? If this is about me sleeping with Abi, she came on to me first!" The birds pecked relentlessly at the sheild, but fortuantly none broke through. Naraku got a little braver. "So, that's the best you got? My grandma can do better than that!"

Suddenly the birds stopped pecking, but still hovered around them. A blob of white covered Naraku's vision. Then another, and another. Naraku realized what it was. "Oh, that's just sick! Take your shit somewhere else!" But the birds contined until the entire ball was covered, blocking all of his vision. Not being able to see where he was going, he veered sharply to the left, then to the right, then plummeted down, landing in a lake and quickly sinking to the bottom.

The bird crap was washed off, but the sheild was dissapating. "Oh no! Water! The only thing that can break through my force field! And I can't swim!" The sheid completly evaportated, leaving Naraku gasping and flailing in the water, trying to come to the surface. He saw an on-looker walk by. Then another. A few people stopped to stare at him. "Don't just stand there, idiot's! Help me!" Naraku cried. Then realized that if he could actually talk, he must not have been underwater.

He had been flopping in a puddle. Not a lake, a puddle. He got up and brushed as much of the mud off of him as he could. "Um...that's all folks! Thank you, thank you, you were a wonderful crowd! I'll be here Tuesday's and Friday's. Once again, thank you Japan! I'm out!" And with that, he broke into a run and didn't stop until he reached Taisho Unlimited, late by about three hours once again.

* * *

I didn't mean for the chapter to come out as another transportation one, but it did, gomen (if I'm not mistaken, that's sorry in Japanese). Well, if you didn't mind, or even if you did, please review and tell me how you did or didn't like it! 


	7. Hatred and Basketball

**Warning: **This chapter has some explicit dialouge. Not exactly intended for those under about...hm, I'll say about sixteen. Any one else can read if you want to, but remember this warning! And even those who are over sixteen may be offended by some of the context. But if you want to risk it, don't say I didn't warn you!

**

* * *

**

Hatred And Basketball

Naraku walked across Taisho Unlimited's front garden, heading toward the sprinkler that watered a corner, when suddenly everyone gasped and a few women screamed. Sesshomaru strode up to him. "I do belive I've found the missing link! Or is that you, Onigumo, looking like you just climbed out of the dumpster again?" Naraku ignored him and kept going to the sprinkler. Sesshomaru called to someone over his shoulder. "Oh, James, would you turn the water off? I think the lawn is watered enough." Just as Naraku reached the little spouts of water, it stopped flowing.

Sesshomaru snickered and muttered something that sounded like, "Sasquash's cousin," before walking off. Naraku tried to brush the mud off, but it only caked up more on each side he tried to clean. Finally he gave up on that and started rolling in the muddy water made from the sprinker. This only succeeded in making him dirtier, if possible. Feeling miserable, he sat down against a tree in the shadows, wanting to be left alone. Kohanu wouldn't let him.

"Hi, Onigumo!" Naraku blew in his face, giving him a low dosage of his miasma. Kohanu corrected himself. "I mean, good morning, Naraku! What a lovely day, isn't it?" Naraku gave him a long stare. "Look, why the fuck are you talking to me? Don't you think that if I wanted to conversate, I would be over there with everyone else?" Kohanu seemed taken aback for a moment, then said, "I thought it was because you looked like Big Foot's sister. But if you don't want to be bothered--" "Which I don't," Naraku said,-- "Then I'll respect that and leave. But all I wanted to do was introduce you to my cousin, who works for the city electric company and if you ever have any "power" issues, you could call him and he'd help you as a kindness to me, and--" "I'm not that fuckin' broke! Just because in less than a month I lost my condo, convertible with the suicide doors, and seven girlfriends, dosen't mean I'm just dead broke!" "Um, actually it does," Kohanu's cousin said.

Naraku stared at him next. "And who the fuck are you?" "I'm Kohanu's cousin." "No, seriously, who the fuck are you?" "My name is Yozaru, and I am sixth cousin to Kohanu, and last of the dog demons." Naraku raised an eye brow at the boy's sudden theatrical voice. 'Last of the dog demons'? Was that supposed to be some kind of honerable title? "Well, I guess you bet's get to screwing before your precious race dies out." Yozaru gave a small smile.

"It's not that simple for me." Naraku blinked. "What, you can't get it to stay up long enough to shoot off a round?" Both the other boys' eyes popped open, but Yozaru regained his composure quicker. "No, it's just that I'm not into girls." Naraku laughed. "Don't tell me you're some kind of fag!" "Actually, yes, I am gay." Naraku's laughter came to a halt. "You're kidding me, right? I mean, what guy dosen't like getting front butt?" Yozaru smiled slowly at him again. "I can kind of get just that from another male if you know what I mean." Naraku's eyes widened and he gagged. "Damn, I had to ask, didn't I?"

Kohanu jumped back in the conversation. "Naraku, do you have a problem with my cousin being gay? Cause if you do, I don't think I can work with you any more." "That's fine with me!" Naraku all but shouted, getting happy at the thought of not having to deal with his insistant chatter any more. Kohanu stared at him agahst, then turned and left. Yozaru put his thumb to his ear and his pinky near his mouth and lipped, "Call me," before following his cousin. Naraku shuddered.

"Ay, yo, Naraku!" Inuyasha shouted from across the lawn. "Come on, it's time for the company basketball game!" "I ain't playing!" Naraku called back. Sesshomaru came and stood beside Inuyasha. He mouthed something that looked like "Kaede". Naraku unwillingly got up and headed over to them.

"Okay, huddle up," Sesshomaru said, getting everyone together. It was him, Inuyasha, Naraku, Kouga, Miroku, Kohanu, Yozaru, and Akitoki, who looked like he was trying too hard to fit in, with the skin-tight head band and the knee-high socks. Sesshomaru stared at Naraku, then shook his head. "I ought to make you the team mascot, but my father had it being an Akita dog, since that's what we dog demons who are gathered here today are biased from. Any ways, our opponents are the Coca-Cola Crushers. Now, they play a pretty strong defense, and, well, hell, a pretty strong offense too. How about this. If we beat them, I'll give a raise to all of you. If we lose...let's just say we don't want that to happen."

Yozaru raised his hand. "If they're the Crushers, who are we?" Sesshomaru gave a smirk and a small glint lit up in his eyes. "We're the Taisho Twisters." A groan went up from everyone. "Hey, hey, hey! I don't wanna hear that! My father was a great demon lord who--" "Man, he's my old man too, and even _I'm _getting tired of hearing about him!" Inuyasha said. "No body cares what daddy did!" Sesshomaru glared at him, then walked over to a large dry-erase board sitting up on tri-pod.

"So, here's the plan. The ball will start off with Kouga, who will do a back side pass to Miroku, who will pass it to Inuyasha, who will hand it over to Kohanu, who will bounce it to Yozaru, who will pass it back to Kouga, who will go up for a powerful three-pointer all in the first thirty seconds of the game. Got it?" "What about me?" Akitoku asked. Sesshomaru started smirking again. "Do you think that we'd put a _human _in the game?" "I resent that!" Miroku said. Sesshomaru continued. "How about you be the mascot, eh?" "But Jinenji has the job already," Akitoki said.

All eyes turned to the other half-demon, standing on the side of the court. He was wearing the mascot costume, but due to his size, the head of the white Akita dog only covered his eyes, and his arms and legs had ripped through the parts appropriated for them. Sesshomaru face-palmed, then turned back to Akitoki. "I'll send you in when I need you. Like Onigumo." He glanced at the spider demon. "So, what, I'm a bench warmer?" Naraku spat. "Oh, of course not! Bench warmer is such a strong word! I'd rather use the term...extra cheerleader." He clapped him on the shoulder and started to walk away, when something caught his eye. "You're not going to play in _penny loafers _are you? God, Onigumo, where's your class?"

Naraku seethed but once again held his tounge. At least when they lost (which he hoped they did), he wouldn't be to blame for it. He sat down on the bench, and did a double take when he saw Akitoki doing stretches on the side as if he was really going to get any play time. _Damn, he's just a dumb and clueless as Kohanu. _Then he looked to his left, where there was a very small group of girls in white, blue, and gold cheerleader outfits. The group consisted of Kagome, Sango, and Kagura...wait, Kagura?! With her bright red lipstick and short skirt, she really did look like a hooker. _What the hell is she doing? And who's that little girl? No, not Kanna! _

Kanna was holding two pom-poms, a gold one and a blue one, which were too big for her and was suffocating her like air bags. When she tried to put them down, she just about did a front flip. _Great, where's Hakudoshi now? _Naraku scanned the crowds, which were sitting down in the bleachers that had been moved near the court for the occasion. He finally caught sight of his last incarnation. Hakudoshi had one hand in his pocket, the other above Rin's head. The little girl was giggling at something he was saying, and twisting the hem of her kimono in her hands while rocking back and forth on her heels. _Damn, since when did he know how to spit game? First one and already the kid's a pro! But he get it from his daddy!_

A whistle blew and the first quarter began. Naraku settled back, prepared to take a long nap. He figured this was the closest to a paid vacation as he would get.

* * *

Anyone recognize the name of the movie where I got the title from? Well actually, I changed the first word of both. The title would be the opposite of hate. That should be a good enough clue. Anyways, review and tell me your thoughts! 


	8. Demon Games

Okay, so it's been a moment since my last chapter, but hey, at least I gave ya'll two to hopefully make up for it. Or are ya'll still mad at me? Well, if you are, get over it! Naw, just playing, but seriously though, I want to add another warning in this chapter as well, and if anyone skips over it and decides they want to hurry up and get to the chapter, they're probably going to be in for a rude awakening. What I want to add in here is that the second paragraph of this story is probably going to get some eyebrows raised. I was kind of thinking of Soul Plane when I wrote it. I'll leave more of an explanation down at the bottom. Till then, enjoy the story!

**

* * *

**

Demon Games

The Coca-Cola Crushers' uniforms were the epitome of fly. Sporting red and gold jerseys, they entered the court as though they knew they were going to win. Which, Naraku figured, they would. I mean, come on. Who ever heard of Sesshomaru playing basketball? All of the Crushers players looked at least seven feet tall. Nothing but a conglomerate of LeBron James's.

"Look, all of their players are _negro_," Kagome whispered to Kagura, and ran and clutched her purse which sat on the sidelines. Kagura looked at her for a moment, before shaking her head. "If you think that is bad, try living with Onigumo--" Naraku threw her a cold look. "I mean, _Naraku--" _She coughed "Onigumo" in her hand before she continued. "Even though he earns, sorry, _earned _more than me when I had a part time-job, he'd still pilage off of my jewelry to give to one of his one-night whores." Kagome cast a nasty look at Naraku, who made a gesture that clearly said, "Yeah, so what? What are you gonna do about it?"

The two teams were lining up on the court now. The Taisho Twisters were wearing blue and white jerseys. Despite the newness that they held, they still looked unprofessional compared to the Crushers. As the team coaches shook eachothers hands as some kind of sign of good sportsmanship, even Sesshomaru looked a little unnerved. He and the other team's coach seemed as though they were trying to break the other's fingers. Finally they formed the circle in the middle. The referee blew his whistle and threw the ball in the air. The game was on.

Kouga, being a demon, looked like he held the upper advantage, being able to jump as high as three hundred feet. But he didn't even get up one. As soon as the ball left the ref's hands, the Crusher's captian smacked the ball to a team mate. Kouga quickly got the ball back due to the jewel shards in his legs, but tripped over the very things that had given his hopeful advantage. The ball rolled idily on the floor until a Crusher member got it. Then Inuyasha jumped on him. Then Miroku on _him. _Basically, they formed a dog pile of just about everybody on both teams.

Sesshomaru on the sidelines face-palmed. "No, you dumb asses! Why didn't you just let him have the ball? Most of you are demons, you can get it right back!" Naraku hid his face and smiled. _Pay back's a S.O.B ain't it? _The whistle sounded again, the team members straightened out, and the game began again. Unfortuantly, for the disorderly conduct on Inuyasha, the Crushers got two three-throws. They made the first one, pissing everyone on the Twisters' off. As the second looked like it was about to go into the basket, Inuyasha lost control of his temper again and smacked the ball away into the crowd. It hit Hakudoshi on the head, which knocked him into Rin, effectively making them kiss eachother.

The ref blew his whistle yet again and called another technicality and pointed to Inuyasha, who growled and started toward the ref after he'd turned his back. Yozaru stopped him, but Inuyasha wasn't about to have none of that. He went over to the bench to get Tetsusaiga, but Sesshomaru grabbed his shirt and forcefully sat him down. "You're gonna cost us the game, ass-hole!" Sesshomaru whispered furiously at him. Inuyasha twisted from his grasp, but didn't do or say anything.

Sesshomaru scanned the bench. His gaze rested on Naraku, then landed on Akitoki, who was still wearing those horribly long socks and three-sizes too small headband. Sesshomaru pointed to him, then pointed to the court. Akitoki's eyes lit up and he ran onto the floor as though he were the long lost star player. "Thank you! Thank you! I love you Japan!" He shouted out. The entire area was silent. Somewhere, a frog croaked and an owl hooted. Akitoki put down his raised arms and got in formation with the others.

The game started up yet again. Naraku closed his eyes, waiting for the the inevitable to happen. He ended up dozing off. Loud screams woke him up. Twenty minutes had passed. _That's it? Damn, time flys by way too slow here! Something about being at work does that to the clocks. _Out on the floor, everyone had crowded around something on the floor, all blocking his vision. An ambulance pushed through the group and stayed there for a moment. Then one of the paramedics stood up with a disgusted look on his face. He held something up between two fingers and by its tip, as though it was diseased. Naraku leaned forward to get a better look.

Akitoki's headband. Akitoki's sweaty, smelly, disgusting headband. Naraku understood what had happened. Akitoki had passed out due to a lack of circulation because the sweatband was cutting it off. The medics wheeled him out of there, Akitoki with a hand raised in the air as if he were the survivor of some tragic accident. His absence wasn't missed except perhaps by Sesshomaru, who now was a player short.

He looked at Naraku, then looked at Jinenji, who was talking to Sango, who was trying to hold a conversation with Kagome, who was trying to show off her half-ass cheers to Inuyasha who was trying to catch Kikyou's eye who was sitting in the stands waiting for the Twisters to lose.

Sesshomaru gave a heavy sigh. "Onigumo, get your ass in there. Don't do anything, you hear me? Don't do _anything. _If you do something to fuck this up for us, I swear I'll fire your ass quicker than you can say Betty Crocker is a ho." Naraku had been changing onto uniform on the sidelines, when he stopped. "Your game was fucked up the moment you came up with the wack idea to even have a team. Where the hell do you get the idea that Inuyasha, Miroku, or anybody out there can play ball? _I _can't even play ball. And neither can you and we know it." He walked off.

The rest of the game passed quickly to Naraku. Perhaps it was because he was actually playing. Maybe because he was really having some fun, being able to cooperate with everyone else, not even trying to kill anyone from Inuyasha's gang or take the jewel shards from Kouga's legs. He smiled at the antics of his team mates at times, and even managed a laugh or two. At the end, he clapped everyone on the back. "Good game, eh? Pretty exciting!"

"What the fuck are you so happy about?! We lost!" Yozaru screamed at him. "And not by just a little bit either. 120 to 0. We got our asses handed to us and here you are just as happy and gay as can be. Man, calm the fuck down!" He slammed the ball down on the ground so hard, it popped, then stormed off to a small section being used as a make-shift dressing room.

Naraku shrugged. "So, dosen't concern me any," he said to himself. "Actually, it does," Sesshomaru said. He started scribbling on the play board, the dry erase board still sitting on the sidelines. "Let's see, you made a wrong pass in the first quarter, you ran into four players during the second, you flirted with the cheerleaders on _both _teams during half-time, you called a time out during the third quarter for a splinter in your finger that had been there for two days, and in the fourth quarter, you broke the backboard when you went up for a layup, which evidently missed horribly. So, in all, your check as of current is about...17 yen."

Naraku exploded. "17 yen! Some little Somalian kid could make more than that in a day! What the hell ever happened to minimum wage?" Sesshomaru did his infamous smirk. "Remember, I'm not above the law, _I am _the law." He gave a almost maniacle laugh and walked off, leaving Naraku to stare at the measly figure of his pay check.

* * *

So, I hope no one was offended by what I wrote at the begining. Like I said, I got that idea from Soul Plane, and I'm quite sure whites (or any race for that matter) really runs and clutches their purses or locks their doors when blacks walk by (or at least, I've never seen anyone do that to me, and I'm black). So, whether you hated it, or liked it, review please! 


	9. Anger Management

You know, looking back on my last chapter, I made some pretty major gramatical mistakes. I was pretty distracted while I was writing it. Like for example, I put that Naraku had a "spinter" rather than a splinter in his finger for two days. So, though nothing much has changed, I'm re-uploading that chapter with the mistakes corrected. I know in just about every chapter I have some mistake somewhere, but that last one was just a _little _too many! Oh, and I think I'm just going to write monetary values in dollars. I know they live in Japan, but I think it'd sound better that way for the story. Anyways, here goes the next chapter. Read at your own peril!

**

* * *

**

Anger Management

Naraku walked off of the court and back to his hide out under the tree. But of course peace wasn't to come to him. Kouga walked over. "What are you doing?" "Trying to rest, if you'll get away from me," Naraku commented. Kouga made a face and said, "Sesshomaru's offering you a way to raise your check again. You have to do the three legged race with me." Naraku's head shot up. "What?! Look, it's bad enough we lost. Do we really need to do a bunch of little kid activities to further embarrass us?" Kouga put a hand on his hip and got indignant. "_You _may not want to do it, but dammit, he's offering the winner a thousand dollars. I need that money, and we all _know _you need it. I mean, you have me and my jewel shards. What's the worst that can happen?"

Ah, it's always that phrase right there that shows just how much people under estimate life. As Naraku and Kouga got into position, Kouga with his left leg tied up, Naraku with his right, he glanced around. Inuyasha was paired up with Kagome, Miroku was with Sango. _How fuckin' fitting, _Naraku thought dryly. Kohanu and Yozaru were tearing up some food samples that were laid out, like the ones in grocery stores. "Ooh, I love your sausage!" Yozaru said to the man holding out the plate. The man looked at him with a stricken expression, then slowly set the plate down and started running away.

A/N: When I said "tearing up" I didn't mean that literally. In slang, that's another way for saying eating a lot of something that you like. Kind of like "beating" something up (or down). Usually men use that in a deragatory way of saying that they had sex with a woman. I'm not trying to say anyone is dumb if you didn't know that, I just figured that I might want to explain myself. Anyways, back to the story!

So enamored was Naraku with watching them, that he forgot about the race. A gun was fired and Kouga took off. Naraku wasn't ready. He tried running with him, but the pace was uneven, due to Kouga's jewel shards. Naraku tripped and rolled over onto his side, Kouga still going. The wolf dragged him one hundred yards to the finish line, coming in second to Inuyasha. "Kami dammit, Onigumo! Why the fuck do you have to be so slow! You can't do anything right! Ooh, you make me sick! Get the fuck off my leg, you sorry ass bastard! You know I needed that money, you _know _I did! You know what? Don't even try to explain yourself, just get the hell away from me!"

He footed Naraku hard in the groin much like Hakudoshi was accustomed to doing and stormed off to a table filled with drinks. When he held a plastic cup under the orange cooler on the table, nothing came out. He snapped off. "Who the fuck drank all the damn Gatorade?!!!" He picked up the cooler and threw it into one of Taisho Unlimited's windows. Then he flipped the table and kicked it, sending it off into the distance. A quiet "wink" sound could be heard as it disappeared into space. "You know that's coming out of your paycheck," Sesshomaru said to him. "I don't give a fuck!" Kouga shouted and stormed off to the car-pooling Mystery Machine to wait for every one else to be ready to go home.

"Damn, Onigumo. What'd you do to him?" Inuyasha asked. Now Naraku snapped off. "Why does everything have to be my fault, huh? Why can't it just be fate? Or destiny? Or maybe I just suck at games! Or maybe we all just suck at games! Yeah, that's right, we all just suck! Suck, suck suck! S-U-C-K, SUCK!" Yozaru turned around when he was about to put another sausage in his mouth and gave a dirty smile. "Ooh, I love a man who's passionate," he whispered to Kohanu.

Naraku continued on his rant. "First I lose my business to some hippie boy-girl, then I get fired from Burger King for not letting some guy "have it his way," now I'm being threatened to do my job or else my pay is less than minimum wage! As if anyone can really live off of seventeen dollars! Oh, sure I could. I mean, eating 25 cent gum and miniture Laffy Taffy's dosen't sound so bad! Hell, while I'm at it, why not get diabetes! Then I can go to the hostpital to get some insulin and pay my doctor bill of with the 17 dollars I earn once a month. Sure, lets all live off of 17 dollars! I'd love to see that! Why don't we--" Off to Naraku's right, Sesshomaru held a walkie-talkie to his mouth. "O.K, take him down."

A SWAT team swarmed Naraku. Two held his arms, while another two held his legs. A fifth person held back his head, and a sixth injected him with a needle. Of course Naraku wasn't going to go down without swinging. "What the hell?! Oh, so you don't want to hear the truth so you're gonna silence me? I have been opressed for too long! I will _not _be silenced! I will _not _be moved! I will _not..._be--" he yawned, "You know what? You guys are just like those people who threw rocks and stuff at Jesus. Yeah, I'm like Jesus, and you all are...(yawn) like...like...Marilyn Monroe." And finally he fell asleep.

"Damn, that's a true soldier right there," Miroku said. Everyone stared at him, then dispersed. The children's games were about to begin. A pinata was set up and Shippou, Souta, Rin and Hakudoshi crowded around it. Sango did "Eeny meeny miney mo" to decide who went first. Rin did. Kagome blind-folded her, then spun her around in a circle the number of her age, eight times. When she was done, Rin wobbled around, swinging wildly. She hit Shippou in the head, knocking him out. Then she struck Souta in his ear, then came back and busted his jaw. He went down on his knees, holding his mouth. Hakudoshi bobbed and weaved her swings, until he accidentally came back up too soon from one and was hit on the back of his head, making him go down too.

Rin tore off the bandana and cheered when she noticed she was the only one still standing. "Yeah, take that! Ya'll just got schooled!" And with that, she grabbed the pinata and ran off. Everyone got quiet for a moment until Yozaru handed a plate of potato salad to Kohanu. "Ooh, you just got served!" Then everyone started chanting "You got served! You got served!" at once. And Naraku slept on.

* * *

So, there goes another Nobel Prize winning chapter. Or is this the wrong catagory for a Nobel Prize? Anyways, I know it went harder than paint (don't ask me why I'm using so many phrases in this chapter. I guess it just struck me that I'd make good humor perhaps. Oh, and harder than paint just means it was real good or nice. Like a car with suicide doors goes harder than paint!) So, that aside, review and tell me what you thought of the chapter! 


	10. Savin' Me

Oh my god! I am doing the unthinkable! Wait, is this what I think it is? No, it can't be! Yes, yes it is! It's another chapter! Two updated in a row! Again! And the crowd goes wild! (in the background, a loud chant going "Amanda! Amanda! Amanda!" can be heard. Then someone throws water on me. I wake up.) Damn, why can't any of the good things in life ever be real? Like say if you were having a dream about going out with Brad Pitt, and you "woke up" to find that he left you his phone number or his boxers or something. Wouldn't that just be nice? Anyways, enough of the fantisizing. Back to the story!

**

* * *

**

Savin' Me

(Yeah, like the Nickelback song!)

A bright light was being shined in his eyes. Naraku groggily swatted at it, but it still remained. "Turn out the damn sun," he mumbled, but wasn't sure that anyone heard him. Then he felt something in his nose. Something dry. And whatever it was, it was starting to cross back and forth between burning and hurting. He opened his eyes all the way and noticed he was back home. Hakudoshi sat on his chest, shining a flash light in his eyes. The burning in his nose was a pencil eraser.

Naraku shot up and smacked the boy across the room into a wall. "Child abuse!" he screamed. "I 'on't geeve a damn" Naraku said, sounding nasally because of the eraser. He reached up there and dug it out, like a professional miner digging for gold. He took a few deep sniffs to clear the eraser smell out. Hakudoshi got up and had started brushing himself off when he heard the phone ring. Though it was right beside Naraku's bed, he got to it first. "Hello, this is the residence of the infamous broke ass Onigumo. Is he here?--" Naraku was trying to signal for him to say he was gone. --"Yes, he's right here. Of course Mr. Sesshomaru." The boy handed the phone to him with an evil smile. "Your boss would like to have a word with you."

Naraku gave a huge sigh, then said, "What is it Sesshomaru?" "Remember your place Onigumo. You are no longer in any position to call me by my first name." Naraku rolled his eyes. "Cut all of the bull crap out. What do you want?" The spider hanyou could hear the dog lord's smirk through the phone. "Come into work today." Naraku blanched. "But today's a Sunday! I have to...to...to go to church!" Sesshomaru roared on the other side. "Church! Ha, you'd fry the moment you stepped on the grounds! Straight to hell with you! Oh boy, that's a good one! You know what, Onigumo? I'ma give you a chance toward religion, not that it matters anyway. I mean, I'm a demon and you're part demon. We were probably condemned to hell the moment we were born. But like I said, I'll give you a chance. I want proof that you've gone to church by 1 o'clock. If you can't produce any evidence of that for me by then, you work for me every Sunday until I say so, got it?"

Naraku had to wonder to himself if it was worth it. It was. "Fine, if it's proof you want, it's proof you'll get. But don't think that--" Sesshomaru hung up on him. "Bastard!" Naraku muttered. He got up and noticed he was wearing nothing but tighty-whities. "Who the hell did this?" "Yozaru," Hakudoshi said, then started cackling and ran out of the room. Naraku slammed the door behind him, but shuddered at the thought anyways.

He came out a few minutes later dressed. Kagura was sitting at the wet bar. Yes, sitting at it. Most people just have a table set up with the liquor on it and pour themselves or a guest a drink then go sit down somewhere else. Not Kagura. She had chair there and wouldn't move it until either the booze ran out, or the bar itself was moved. Neither was likely. In her hand, she had a shot of Vodka. Beside her was a huge glass bottle of gin and beside that was a carton of orange juice. And beside _that _was a half finished shot of Covosier (I belive it's spelled like that but pronouned "covosiay"). Naraku frowned slightly, then grabbed the Covosier and downed it, then took the shot of Vodka from her and drank it. He make himself a quick glass of gin and juice and that too went down the hatch. Liquored up, he went out the door to "get some religion." (Don't try this at home, kids!)

He walked for a while until he saw just what he was looking for. A church. And not just any church either. This one was more rectangular than he'd thought a church should be, but liked the color of it. Pure white walls. Though he couldn't quite figure out what the name of the church was. He walked up to it, expecting to be incinerated the moment he touched the property. He wasn't, so he went inside.

A few people were already sitting down, but a few more were standing. He decided he would just get a little bit of religion, just enough to not seem rude, then leave, like around the time when offerings started. He walked up to a man who was standing behind a very long white pulpit. "Hello, sir. How may I help you this morning?" Naraku blinked drunkenly at him, then said, "I need some religion." The man looked confused for a moment, then said, "Excuse me?" "I said I need some religion." "Sir, religion isn't something that is just given. It's a faith in a deity."

Naraku stared at him for a moment, then blinked slowly. He produced a five dollar bill from his pocket. "Here's five dollars. I need a five minute sermon." The man looked at him with an even crazier expression. "Sir, you can't buy religion." Naraku blinked again, then leaned forward conspiratorially. "Look buddy, just between me and you, you can do this for me, right? You know, just a few minutes of a sermon, you get paid a few dollars, the world keeps spinning and we're both better people for it. What'dya say?" The man sighed. "Sir, you're at Church's. Not church." Naraku straightened up. "What?" "You're at Church's Chicken, not church. Now would you like to order something or not?"

Naraku blinked again in confusion. "You mean you can't sell me a sermon?" The man gave another heavy sigh. "Sir, nobody can sell you a sermon. There's no black market for the word of God." "Who?" "Never mind. Look, there's a church right across the street. How about you go there to get you some religion and stop wasting my time, hm?" The man turned around and busied himself with something in the kitchen. Naraku shrugged and walked out.

The church that the man was talking about was one of the large Catholic kind. The large bell in the belfry seemed menacing as did the huge windows. "At least they're stained glass," Naraku said to himself. He took one step on the grounds. Once again, nothing. Then again, his first experience with "church" was a fried chicken joint, so that didn't really count. He took another, then another until he was at the front doors. Slowly he opened them, and a blast from the organ about blew him out again. Struggling against the waves, he forced himself inside and down the aisle, looking for a seat. He would never get to sit down.

"Is there anyone who would like to accept Jesus Christ today that already hasn't? Anyone who would like to be re-saved? You there! Yes, you! Quit looking around, I'm talking about you! You have come to accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal savior? Well come on up!" Naraku was shaking his head and trying to go back through the door, when two nuns walked up and gently started leading him down the aisle. One of them looked familiar. "Sara? I thought you died?" Sesshomaru's ex-lover looked at him. "I did, but I guess they wern't ready for me yet. First they put me in pergatory for about three hundred years, then I spent like a day or two in hell because I wasn't exactly "saved", and finally they just gave me another chance and let me live again. So, here I am."

By then, Naraku was at the front. The priest came down from the pulpit to stand right in front of him. "Son, have you found Jesus yet?" "I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for him," Naraku said. "And who's Jesus anyway?" The priest pointed behind him where a large picture of Jesus hung. "Oh, him! I always thought that that was just some hippie guy that eveyone idolized because he was some kind of major drug dealer or something and he's the one who made smoking pot seem so cool. Kind of like how 2 Pac is worshiped simply because he died." The church got silent for a long moment.

Then the priest quickly cleared his throat and said, "Well, how about we baptize you, hm? Have you ever been baptized?" "Yeah, my mom tried to about 500 years ago, but I figured that they were trying to drown me, so I hopped out of the tub and ran away." Once again, the room was silent. "Sir, have you ever even heard of Christianity?" "What? They have a title for people who worship that guy?" Naraku pointed to the picture. "Damn, maybe I _should _start going to church. Besides, I heard that this is where you can find the horniest women."

The room erupted into gasps. "Blasphemy!" A nun screamed. More joined her. Other women fainted, others did the cross. A low murmer of praying could be heard. A woman caught the holy ghost and had to be dragged from the sanctuary. The priest cleared his throat again and said, "Perhaps you should have communion. One just specially for you." He motioned to someone on the side, and they disappeared through a door. A moment later, they came back with a thin white circle and a small plastic cup of something red on a tray. (Okay, here even I'm not sure what happens exactly. I havn't been to church in a while, so I've forgotten what exactly is said during communion!)

The priest held the white circle in his hand and told Naraku to lift up his. He did just that. "This is the body of Jesus Christ, broken for your sins (or something like that!). And this--" "What the hell is this?! Tastes like foam!" Naraku shouted and spit the white soft circle out. Another woman swooned. The priest closed his eyes slowly, then continued. "This is the blood of Jesus Christ, which--" he was interrupted again. "Holy shit! Is this really the blood of Jesus?" The priest ignored his profanity. "Yes," he said. "Wow! This guy must have been loaded 24/7!" "Okay, that's it," the priest said, putting down his bible and taking off his glasses. "If you don't want to take this seriously, then leave. "But I just wanted some religion! Just some proof that I went to church so my boss doesn't make me work for him every Sunday until I die!"

The priest crossed his arms. "Well, you got your religion, but, God forgive me, you have to leave. You're not taking any of this seriously and you're disrupting my congregation. Already three women have fell into fits--" Just then, a woman started rolling of the floor; she too was removed--"Sorry, four women have fell into fits. I'm going to have to ask you to leave." Naraku gave a huge sigh, but turned and started leaving. "Father, please. This man knows not what he's doing," Sara said to the priest. "That's your dad?" Naraku asked her. "No, he's a Father because of his position." "He ain't _my _dad," Naraku said, casting a look at the priest. The man was rubbing his temples wearily.

As Naraku left, he took Sara off to the side for a moment. "Look, if you're over Sesshomaru, why don't you go with me? I know how to treat a lady." "Gee, that's a kind offer (cough), but I'm already married." Naraku narrowed his eyes. "Anyone I know?" Sara smiled. "I'm a bride of Christ." "Say what! Since when?" "Since I became a nun." "Damn, he beat me to it!" Naraku turned to look at the picture again. "You might have won this battle, but will not win the war!" And with that, he stormed out.

Nearly two hours later he walked through the door to Sesshomaru's office. Sitting there behind that nice big computer in his huge soft office chair, and the sunlight behind him shadowing his features, he really did look like a tyranical, ego maniac. "Oh, Onigumo! So, do you have my proof?" "Yep. Church is where you have to find some guy named Jesus and for all the women who do, they get to marry him. And they force you to eat foam, but that's okay 'cause then they give you wine to wash it down with." Sesshomaru raised his eyebrows at him. "Fine," he said simply, then went back to typing. How do you type with one hand? But Naraku wasn't going to complain at his lack of speech. He headed home again as fast as his drunken state would allow him.

* * *

Sorry, for those of you who are real religious and might have been offended by this chapter. And yeah, a shame that I haven't been to church in such a long time, but even if I had, I based this chapter off of my experiences (I'm not exactly sure what the foam thing is, but that's what it tastes like at our communions and they don't really give us wine either. I think instead for the children its cranberry juice!). I wasn't raised in the Catholic church, so I wouldn't really know about their customs. I mostly based it off of TV. Well, enough of my babbling, review and tell me your opinions! 


	11. Show Some Love

I wanted to mention something else in this chapter that may throw some people for a loop. I have a line in here where Kohanu states that Sesshomaru is his cousin. This came from my first story, Nuisance Company, where I had first invented Kohanu to be Inuyasha and Sesshomaru's cousin. Though Yozaru wasn't created then, now that I've mentioned him, he too would be their family, probably thier second cousin, I think. And, another warning. This chapter is a bit graphic with strong sexual references, some other lines I'm using from Soul Plane. For those of you who've seen the movie probably already have a clue at what I'm going to say. Anyways, those of you who have a low tolerance of such things, might want to skip this chapter. I don't think anything too important happens here. Well, best of luck to the rest!

**

* * *

**

Show Some Love

Naraku tapped his pen as he thought about what to write on the blank Word document on his screen. What the fuck was a memo, and how come Sesshomaru needed _him _to do it? And why on such short notice again? A memo to send to some competing company about the prospect of doing some deal with them, Sesshomaru had told him. "It's very important, and really I shouldn't trust you with it, considering how new you are here. Well that, and your constant insubordination. But I'm giving you a chance to prove yourself Onigumo. Don't fail me."

Well, Naraku really was contemplating on doing just that. But the fact that he needed this job kept him from doing it. Besides, more money for the company ment more money for him, which after finding out that he only had a salary of $17 at the moment, he really _really _needed. So, there he sat, tapping his pen, trying to come up with a good enough proposal that would make Pepsi want to do business with Taisho Unlimited. Sesshomaru actaully wanted him to come up with the idea that could seal the company's future.

"Taisho toilet paper? No, who the hell would want to wipe their ass with Sesshomaru's face?" He stopped. Wait, that's it! He could just imagine being able to rub Sesshomaru's smug face all in his ass. He wanted an ass kisser, well he could kiss this ass! But no, on a serious tip, that wouldn't work. Coffee mugs? No, Coca-Cola already had that market. He sighed. He couldn't come up with anything.

"Onigumo. Onigumo! Wake your lazy ass up!" Naraku sat up groggily. He'd fallen asleep trying to come up with ideas. Inuyasha stood over him. "Do you have that memo ready? I'm supposed to deliver it to my corporal-ass brother." "No-hm?" Naraku mumbled. Inuyasha kicked his chair from up under him, making him crash to the floor and wake up fully. "I said do you have that memo ready?" "No, I don't have your fuckin' memo! Damn, get off my ass!" "Get off of yours! Sesshomaru said he needed it by the end of today and already it's 4:30." "Oh, so now _you've _become his next personal ass-kisser?" "No, Jaken's in his office doing that right now. Literally. That's where everyone's at now, trying to get a peek at it. I'd be there too if someone would hurry the hell up and just give me the damn memo. That way I have a reason to open up his door without looking suspicious."

Naraku quickly got to typing out random things. Pressing the print button, Inuyasha snatched it up and he and Naraku ran to Sesshomaru's office, where a crowd of silent eavesdroppers were listening in. Voices were coming from inside. "But me Lord, do I really have to?" "Yes, Jaken. You pledged your loyalty to me, now kiss the ass you worship." Giggles were stiffled as they heard Jaken's unmistakable squawk. "But, really me Lord, don't you think kissing your ass is a little extreme?" A long silence followed. "Jaken, you're ugly. Even though your whole race is ugly, you're just pure fugly. Both you and that mutt Jinengi. You're both probably going to be the epitome of the phrase "4,000 year old virgin". But, if you just do this one little task, I'll make sure you have ho's in different area codes. Ya get what I'm saying?"

Clearing a path, Inuyasha forced his way to right beside the door, shushing everyone for good measure. He held up three fingers and silently counted down. _One, two, three! _He burst open the door to reveal Sesshomaru bent over his desk, ass in Jaken's face and the imps lips mere millimeters away from the flesh. Inuyasha rushed forward and pushed him until he was actually kissing Sesshomaru's ass. Kohaku took a picture, since he worked in photography. "I can sell this to the _New York Times. _By tommorow morning, everyone will know that Sesshomaru has a thing for toads!"

Sesshomaru growled and began transforming. As his claws were about to elongate, Inuyasha hit him up side his head with the back of Tetsusaiga, giving the demon lord a double blow, one from the impact itself, and another from the fact that full demons couldn't touch the sword, leaving a nasty brunt bald patch on his head. Sesshomaru laid on the floor, looking like some kind of petrified mad dog. Kohanu screamed at seeing his precious idol knocked unconsious. "How could you?!" He screamed at Inuyasha. "How could you?! That's your brother, my cousin, and our leader!" "I don't care what he is!" Jaken proclaimed. "I'm not about to be his literal ass kisser! I sucked up to him enough trying to land a spot in his eventual empire and just when I think that I finally am going to get it, I have to go one step short of...well, whatever, I'm not doing it!"

Kagome put her hands on her hips. "Oh, you say that now, but a moment ago you were ready and eager to kiss it just to make sure you got laid at least once in your lifetime." Jaken folded his arms and looked away, mumbling something that sounded like "Shut up, bitch." Miroku stood over Sesshomaru, checking to see if any of the damage would be permanent, which he hoped. Unfortunatly, it wasn't. "Oh, well," Miroku shrugged and was about to walk off when he thought of something he just had to say to the demon lord. "Damn, Sesshomaru," he said to his unconcious form, "You just got knocked the fuck out!" He had to hold onto the desk due to laughing so hard. Sango stared at him. "You cuss? I thought you were supposed to be religous?" "And I thought you were supposed to show me what makes you tick, after I helped you complete that sales report." Sango turned away from him as if she hadn't heard him.

Then out of nowhere, Kikyou pushed her way into the room. "What are you doing here?!" Inuyasha said, surprised but happy at seeing her. Kagome rolled up her sleeves and started mean mugging her, not being able to stand the sight of her. "This son of a bitch fired me and my sister," KIkyou said, staring at Sesshomaru. "Well, that's generally what a male dog is, the son of a bitch," Kagome said sarcastically. Kikyou ignored her. "I can get another job, but since Medicaid figured she was earning plenty from working here, they took away her benefits, along with her AARP card. She's broke and getting on in her years. Since I have to work, I can't stay home and look after her. I-I had to put her in a retirement home!" The priestess broke down crying. Kagome showed no sympathy. "Yeah, that generally happens with old folks. They spend their last twenty or so years in an old folks home, then they die. Sometimes in grotesque ways, like while trying to get their "last time" in."

Everyone stared at her, but Kikyou started advancing. "Funny that you should say that, considering that she believes she _did _have her "last time". With your grandfather." Kagome's eyes widened. "You're just saying that because you're pissed that I'm the one your soul inhabits rather than choosing your sickly pale ass." Kikyou smirked. "No, I don't give a damn about that anymore. But really, they did "do it" together. She talked about how he rode the pony--" right off the bat, Sango started gagging, but Miroku was giving side looks to Sango in provacative ways, --"and ear jobs, hand jobs, _blow jobs"--_ Kohanu and Kouga fought over who was going to get to throw up in the trash can--"getting tea bagged, playing the trombone, doing it missionary and doggy style--" "Okay, that's just fuckin' sick!" Inuyasha cut in.

Kagome was left standing speechless. No, that couldn't be her grandfather she was talking about. Maybe he was a bit eccentric, but not a freak in the bed! Was he...? Kikyou turned to Sesshomaru again and had started chanting something when he woke up. "Did it hurt?" he asked Kikyou. "Did what hurt?" "When you fell out of heaven." Kikyou balled up her fists and punched him, then stormed out again, having forgotten what she'd come there originally to do. Everyone dispersed, Inuyasha leaving the "memo" on his desk.

Sesshomaru sat up, rubbing the bald patch on his head. "What the...?" He looked at himself and noticed that his pants were still down. "Was I...raped?! Naw, they wouldn't do that to me! Would they...?" He shook his head and climbed back into his seat to resume typing almost as if nothing had gone wrong. Almost. He still had the patch to prove that evidently something had gone amiss during hs "slumber". But he would never know.

* * *

So, for those of you who read this chapter, I hope you weren't too sickend by it. I think this chapter was bordering on the edge of sick (if it wasn't there already!), but like fat people need love too (me!) so do elderly people. Oh, and the line that Miroku used before Sango asked him if he cussed was from the movie _Friday. _Lately I guess I've been having this thing about using movie lines. Anyways, if this chapter didn't make you run to the toilet and chunk up your cookies, please find it in your heart to review! Oh, and as for my randomness, I belive I'm getting to the end of this story (noooooooo!), so I'll start making all of this make sense here in the next few chapters. Okay, _now _review! 


	12. Anonymous

Well, this chapter didn't exactly start the ball rolling on getting to the end of the story, but some of the things that happen in it will be mentioned later. So, read and enjoy!

**

* * *

**

Anonymous

(Titled that mostly because I can't come up with a good chapter name! Any other ideas?)

Despite the previous day's events, Sesshomaru was in a good mood as he read the morning's newspaper. The picture of Jaken kissing his rear end had make front pages. The title read "Brings a new meaning to the term "Kissing ass." And yes, those were the exact words it said. Since Sesshomaru also owned the newspapers, he held say over what and what could not be printed, which was just about everything, meaning that a child could flip through it and instead of finding the morning funnies, would end up seeing perhaps a porn cartoon. Remember, Sesshomaru wasn't just above the law. He was the law (I like that phrase and yet I don't even know what movie I got it from!)

Shaking his head, he set the newspaper down with a slight smile on his face. _Very _slight, closer to his traditional smirk than a smile. Then he picked up a single sheet of paper, reading it over for a moment before pressing a button on his desk. "Ayame, would you send Onigumo up to my office?" No answer. "Ayame?" There was a shuffling of clothes, too loud to be one person, then a loud wet smack. A hurried and annoyed Ayame fianlly answered. "What?" "Remember your manners Ayame. I'd like for you to send Onigumo to my office. Oh, and your forbidden to interact in any way with that wolf while in the building or on its property. That'll be all, thank you." With a loud huff, Ayame hung up.

A moment later, Naraku walked through Sesshomaru's door. Rather than waiting to be offered a seat, which he knew would never happen, he seated himself, pulling up a guest chair. Even they were luxurious, but still didn't compare to Sesshomaru's lavish one.

Looking around the room, Naraku saw on the wall to the right of Sesshomaru's desk a picture of several dogs playing poker. But unlike the original painting, Sesshomaru had had a minature version of his transformed self placed amongst them, four aces laid down in front of him and his greedy paws reaching out to envelop the chips on the table. _But of course._ On the opposite wall was a picture of himself, his father, and, get this, Inuyasha. The late Inutaisho's arm was drapped casually around his oldest son's teenage shoulder, who looked uncomfortable but nonetheless offered a slight smile, not too unlike the one he had put on earlier.

Inuyasha, who had evidently been digitized in because of course Inutaisho was dead before he had reached that age, was about the same age as Sesshomaru. Only those who didn't know of the inu's history would have figured this was a natural portrait. But a slight mistake in placing gave Inuyasha away. His head was leaning against his father's,something that wasn't likely to have ever happened, making his forehead rest on his dad's lower chin, something that probably wouldn't ever have happened. Likely what was supposed to be there was Kagome, but she had literally been tooken out of the picture to make this. This almost _homely _scene. Even the background suggested peace among the family, with a beautiful setting of them sitting in front of a fully bloomed cherry blossom tree, pedals dancing down upon them.

Naraku coudn't help but smile. What the hell had given Sesshomaru the idea to do this? And much less to hang it up in a public place as his office? And right across from a picture of the real him, a greedy monster amongst the broke? He shook his head and looked up and Sesshomaru set down the paper and looked at him.

"Onigumo, how long has it been since we've been able to have a one-on-one talk like this? Four, maybe five days?" "It was the day before yesterday when you wanted to see proof that I had went to church." "Ah, yes! My how time flies! Anyways, I called you in to talk about the memo you gave me yesterday. And I must say that this wasn't what I was expecting." "I didn't put that on your desk. I randomly typed something so Inuyasha would have a reason to come into your office to see you and your little imp friend actin' an ass." Though Sesshomaru's cheerful smile remained, his eye twitched.

"Well, in any case, I have to say that your randome typing has produced a very good idea. Looking at it, I'm wondering why I hadn't come up with the idea. It's so simple yet so ingenious! Sell different flavors of the drink! I mean, people will only drink fruit punch, grape, and orange for so long. So, if you introduce a new drink flavor, you have more people buying the product to get a taste of it. Yes, Onigumo, I think I mistakened you for an idiot when I hired you. Such an idea! I think I'll take full credit of it, considering it _is _so simple." Examining the paper again, he shooed Naraku away. "Okay, you can go now."

Naraku stood up, ready to fight this one out. "That was _my _idea! You can't just go and steal it!" "Actually, one: It wasn't copywrited. Two: Who the fuck copywrites flavors. And three: Kaede." Naraku picked up on the hint about him being fired with no benefits from the company, but he was beyond caring. "And? I'm not eighty years old, I can get anothe job--" "Can you? Is that why you're working for me?" "You know, you can only threaten me with that line for only so long, before I--" Before you what?" Sesshomaru got up out of his seat and walked around front of the desk to get in Naraku's face.

"I own the job you work for, your cheap ass apartment, your life. I even own the shit you take in the toilet perhaps everymorning, because since I run everything, I choose what foods are available here, so I decide what you eat, _if _you eat, therefore regulating when you sit your broke ass on that porcelain chair which probably costs more right now than everything you own. If I wanted to, I could make all of the resturants vegitarian-friendly, that way that man that went through all that hassle just for a simple meatless whooper could eat in peaceeverywhere. Of course, without his fickle demands, I wouldn't have met you, lifes little failure, now would I? I bet that job's looking more like working CIA for the pope every minute now, doesn't it? Get out of my sight, you disgust me."

Naraku complained the entire time he was riding the elevator back to his floor. There had to be someone he could report this to. But no, Sesshomaru was right. He held all the cards and for him, everthing was a royal flush that got him everything. He gave a deep sigh, then punched the elevator. Unfortuantly, he punched the button panel, making the box stop twelve floors above his destination and in between floors at that. The small area was plunged into darkness and immediatly, Naraku's heart beats got faster. He was scared of the dark.

He could kill someone without second thought, he could torture some body until they thought that they'd go mad. He loved playing with people's emotions, a favorite past time next to knitting and baking cheese fondue. But darkness had always been the one thing that he was terrified of. It all had started back when he was a wee child...

Little Onigumo had always loved going to the candy shop. In fact, he was the shop's main customer. Everyday he'd go in there and buy all kinds of Whizz-Whoppers and Doodle-Poppers, and (don't I sound like Willy Wonka? Good, that's the point.) well, you get the picture. The kid was a candie junkie. Anyways, moving along, one day Onigumo had accidentally stayed too late at the candy shop trying to finish a lollipop and though he was giving it all he got, he didn't finish it all, though he didn't stop, whoa!

A/N: Wonder why I make that last sentence rhyme? It was some lyrics from 50 Cent's song Candy Shop, which goes "I'll take you to the candy shop. I'll let you lick the lollipop. Go head girl, don't you stop. Keep going till you hit that spot, whoa!" Sorry, this too is a bit graphic because of course the "lollipop" isn't really a lollipop. You get the picture. Moving along!

So, now that the candy shop was closed, Onigumo had no choice but to go home. As he walked down the dark alleys, all sounds seemed to want to reach his ears, making him jump at every thing. But one particular noise scared him. It was a scraping sound, as though someone was dragging a dead weight around. He picked up his pace, but since he was obese, it only changed from a waddle to a faster wobble. Going as fast as could be expected of him, Onigumo tripped over his fat, landing face first in a pile of dog shit. Turning around to see what was following him, he noticed a large box shapped silhouette. "Noooooo!" Was all he could scream before the box was upon him. It was his parents car, the dragging sound being the muffler. Still, he never got over his fear of the dark.

Going twenty-five years ahead, here sat a grown Naraku sitting in a dark elevator, cowering in a corner as though that was really going to save him from anything that might have been in there. Rationality told him he was a long, but in his mind's eye, he was being tooken back to that dark alley and his mother's muffler dragging on the streets. Closing his eyes, he eventually fell asleep.

Two hours later, he woke up with a group of people standing over him. "Man, Naraku! Everybody was starting to hope that you had up and died since you were gone so long," Inuyasha said. "And boy was it a sight when we found you! You were huddled up in a ball in the corner of the elevator like a little bitch, crying and sweating your ass off!" Naraku sat up and started to walk off, when Ayamuri caught up to him. "Look, it's okay. We all have our fears. Mine used to be that I was terrified of bannana pudding. But after I went to Pudding Phobia Anonymous, I got over it and was finally able to sit down and act like a decent person in front of people when bannana pudding was being served. I still don't eat it, but at least I can look it in its face and say "Ha! You thought you had me scared with your mean looks, didn't you? Well, look who can look back!" It feels great! Maybe you should join a support group or something."

Naraku thought that it was a stupid idea. But if they had support groups for people scared of -- bannana pudding?--then there must be somewhere that could help him. He made a mental note of it and continued to his cramped ass cubicle, where he searched the net looking for a place not unlike Pudding Phobia Anonymous.

* * *

Okay, even I have to say that this chapter perhaps lacked my usual amout of comedy. But it's late at night, 12:56 to be precise and I'm tired. I just wanted to get something out there for tommorow (today, Saturday) so all of you kind folks who read my stories had something to...well, read! I hope nonetheless you enjoyed it. Do the dew and review to tell me your thoughts! (That rhymed!) 


	13. Presidential Assassination

Wow, this chapter too was a bit one of the difficult ones, probably because I'm running out of comedy material! Yes, once again, my muse is taking a break. Doesn't help none that I have a lot on my plate right now, what with me having three D's in three classes: Spanish (so I don't know how to conjugate verbs, big deal? Well, evidently!), Biology I (I know most people take this their sophmore year. Well, I didn't! I didn't fail the class! And only reason I'm failing that is because I've had a hell of a lot of doctors appointments and I couldn't get caught up before the six weeks was over), and American History (not doing homework! And I blowed about three tests! I thank the doctors appointments. And the fact that when I went to the dentist, they told me I have _six _wisdom teeth! Six! You can only have four! Then they were talking about shots in the mouth and swelling, and my mouth shifting and stuff! That can mess up some body's concentration for real!) Perhaps I'm exaggerating a bit about the lack of concentration. I just don't like studying, that's all that is! Oh, and don't be frightend by the title! I'm not talking about killing Bush! Anyways, I'm gonna let ya'll get on and read this story. You know the deal: Read it, like it, love it!

**

* * *

**

Presidential Assassination

Naraku woke up that morning feeling that this was going to be the day. The day that he took control of his life. The day that he'd make a difference. _Damn, I sound like a cross between a Starbucks and a commercial. _As he showered, he sang to himself. "You, my darling you. All I have is sweet memories. That is all I'm taking with me! So goodbye! Please don't cry! We both know I'm not what you neeeeeeed!" Here he took a deep breath to get ready for the high note. "And Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii will always love yoooooooooooooooooou! And Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii will always love yoooooooooooooou! And Iiiii-" "Shut the fuck up, Whitney!" Kagura screamed into the bathroom. Naraku shut up.

His incarnation's cruel remark though still didn't damper his spirit. As he ate his breakfast of--well, he didn't eat breakfast due to not having enough money, but he whistled to himself that tune that people whistle when they're about to kill some body. He laced up his blowed penny loafers singing it, he put on his jacket with the holes in the elbows singing it. He even gave a huge smile when he slipped a small knife into his pocket, all the while singing the sinister tune.

He decided that because of his euphoria, he'd try to take a taxi to work. Amazingly, besides him not being able to understand the cabbie (He was Israli or something. Naraku simply took it that he was a terroist and decided to keep quiet during the ride) he arrived at work _early. _He strode past the front doors with the confidence that he had only shown before he lost everything. Giving a quick nod to Ayame, he pressed the button for his floor and continued whistling in the elevator, not even worried that it could break down and he'd be plunged into darkness. He hadn't been able to find a support group like Ayamuri's Pudding Phobia Anonymous, but if he had to close his eyes to go to sleep anyways, what was the problem?

Getting off, he smiled at everyone he passed. Kouga looked at him like he was crazy, Sango shuddered, Yozaru smiled overly bright back, and Inuyasha flipped him off. He didn't even complain today when his knees banged against the small desk as he sat down. He diligently picked up the paper work that gave his instructions for the day (yeah, kind of like school. What the hell do office people do anyways?), and got to work. About an hour in, Jinenji ambled over to get a pot of coffee. Before he could reach for it, Naraku handed it to him with a bright smile. "Here you go, you big bloke!" He said overly cheerful. Jinenji took it cautiously, wondering of Naraku was perhaps on the brink of an explosion and was trying to put up a front.

As he set the coffee pot back into its hold on Naraku's desk, he was about to reach for the creamer and sugar packets but Naraku beat him to it. "Sugar? Creamer? Here, let me get that for you!" He grabbed two of each and handed them to the half demon. "Um, could you give me just a few more?" Naraku paused for just a moment, as though the request had been just a bit out of order, but then picked up about ten more packs of each and put them in Jinenji's outstretched hand, then turned to pick up more. "No, no, no, that's enough. I don't want to raise my blood sugar." Looking down at the sugar packs, he squinted at something, then groaned. "Damn, I got the wrong kind. I ment to get Sween N' Low."

Naraku's eye twitched. "Oh," he simply said through a sunlight bright smile. Jinenji shielded his eyes from it, and as Miroku walked by, he was blinded and crashed into a picture on the wall, glass getting in his face. Though none hit his eyes, he screamed, "Ah, my retinas! My corneas! My ocular nerves!" Naraku ignored him and started replacing the normal sugar with the Sweet N' Low. "There, my good chum. You're sweetless sugar!" "Um, thanks," Jinenji mumbled and walked away.

Naraku gave a deep sigh and continued writing. Printing something, he took his time walking to the copy machine. Closing the door behind him, he made twelve copies of the paper. Then an idea hit him. Pulling down his pants, he sat on the screen and started making copies of his ass, with a few extra "things" along with it. Giving a satisfiyed smile, he grabbed the stacks and headed out. He put the first stack of papers on his desk, then walked around the floor putting up a picture of his anatomy in various locations: on the bulletin board, on the ceiling, on Kagome's monitor.

Then, as if that wern't enough, he posted more throughout the building, saving the last one for Sesshomaru's door. Just as he was about to staple it, the door flew open and out came a slightly disheveled Princess Abi, who was buttoning up her blouse as she passed. Sesshomaru saw Naraku in the doorway and motioned him in. Naraku came in, shut the door, and quietly locked it. He placed the pictue of his ass on the desk. "What the fuck is this?" Sesshomaru asked in his old emotionless tone. Then he took a closer look and saw the cheeks. Then he saw some "other things." "Onigumo, why? I have been nothing but nice to you. I gave you a job when you were unemployed. I gave you confidence to play a game you know you sucked at. I even let you have the best cubicle in the building. Doesn't it feel nice to never have to get up to get your coffee? Hell, I was even going to put the copy machine right next to you too, everything right there for your conviencene. So why this?"

Naraku deftly slipped the knife out of his pocket and into his right hand. Walking over to Sesshomaru, he looked with him at the picture. "You know, that picture wasn't just for shits and giggles. It holds a deep meaning to me. You see, my ass being copied represents you being an ass. The fact that I made hundreds of these is saying that you've acted like an ass countless times. That little bit of crap that you can see right there, that's kind of close to my little boys shows how you're always shitting on the little guys." Here he stopped and gave him a very serious look. "I'm tired of it."

Opening the knife, he quickly slit his throat. The demon Lord was dead before he knew what happened. "Yes! Now I can gain back my company and restore the leadership that is rightfully mine! I have the power!! "Quit stealing my lines!" He-Man walked by and screamed through the door. Naraku acted like he hadn't heard him. He held up a fist and a bolt of lightining flashed behind him though it was a completly clear day. He continued on in his speech, not noticing another bright flash down on the floor. He was abruptly interrupted when he felt a sharp stab of pain on the back of his head as he was pistol whipped.

Immediatly he fell on the floor, writhing in pain. The resurrected form of Sesshomaru stood up, putting away the gun and instead pulled out Toukijin. "Did you really think that you could defeat me? Like Jay-Z and Tupac, I'd eventually come back. Now, how about I--" He was inturrupted when a girl with black hair and a short black mini skirt walked in. "Lord Sesshomaru I--" "Damn it, Yura! Can't you see I'm busy here? Get the fuck out!" Then as if catching it as an after thought, he said, "Wait out there. I'll be done in here in a minute." Turning back to Naraku, he said, "I'd kill you now but there's too many witnesses. Yes, I know I am the law, but now the other three lords are wanting to do some kind of checks and balance system and if people knew I murdered folks, they'd start leaving the western lands. So, I'll just do it on the low so nobody knows. During a time that's more, ahem, _convenient _for me." Here he gave a glance at the door.

A/N: Most everybody has at least _heard _of Tupac, but Jay-Z is also a rapper. About two years ago, he had said that he was retiring from the rap game. But, lo and behold! Here he is, now with a video on 106&Park _and _the video is #1 on the countdown! Personally, I think he only did that so he could get more sales on his "last" album. I'm not hating, I had desperatly wanted that "last" CD too! As for Tupac, well he _might _come back. It has been well over seven years, though. But let's continue!

Naraku walked out feeling deflated. He forgot about that damn sword of his, Tetseiga. He looked at Yura as she walked into Sesshomaru's office. A moment later, he heard clothes being tooken off, then Yura's fake sex moans. Or were those loud, walrus barks real? Naraku made a face, shuddered, then left. Sesshomaru had won this battle, maybe even the war, but even after the battles were over, damage could still be done. And that's exactly what Naraku intended to do. Damage.

* * *

So, a little shorter than a lot of my other chapters, but I don't want to reveal too much too soon. Anyone remember who Yura is? The woman that had the power to control people with their hair and became obsessed with Inuyasha's because it was way stronger than hers, or something like that? Anyways, another example of me including everyone in the show. So, review and tell me what you think!


	14. A Protest and a Candy Stripper

I'm not going to elaborate on the title. Just read and you'll know!

**

* * *

**

A Protest and a Candy Stripper

Naraku decided to hit Sesshomaru where it hurt: in his business. A product can't sell itself. It needed people to do it for it. And it couldn't be advertised by itself either. Nor could it be shipped out, or hell, going back to basics, it couldn't be made by itself. All of it required people. Naraku smirked to himself. This was defintly going to work.

First, he had to get noticed. He kicked over every thrash can on his way back to his desk, sending papers, half eaten sandwiches, even a used condom in the trash can outside of Sesshomaru's office flying down the halls. As he reached his work station, he grabbed his computer and pulled all of its cords from the back, then threw it. Kouga was just walking through the door when it hit him, sending him flying back out and over the railing above the open front lobby, thirty floors down. He ended up landing on Ayame.

Next, Naraku grabbed the coffee pot and started waving it around frantically. "Listen up! How many of you are tired of this fuckin' job, huh? How many of you are tired of Sesshomaru making you work like Hebrew slaves and shit for pay? I know I am! And I know you must be too! So why take it? Why not just quit? The other lords are forming together to create a checks and balance system. Do you know what that means? Well, neither do I! But if the other lords are working together, then it must be good!" Quietly he added, "I hope."

Raising a triumphant fist in the air, he screamed out, "Who're we gonna beat?" The crowd shouted out, "Sesshomaru!" "Who're we gonna kill?" A quiet chorus of "Sesshomaru!" went up. "Who're we gonna kiss?" The entire room went silent except--"Sesshomaru!" Yozaru said, then realized his mistake. "Ah, gotcha!" Naraku said, wiping away tears of laughter. "No, but seriously, we can't stand by and let him do this to us. Ya'll saw how he just up and fired Kikyou and Kaede. Well, who gives a damn about Kikyou. But poor Kaede! Poor, sweet little, elderly--" here his voice took on a hard tone--"weed growin', pot smokin', drug dealin', ratin' out her "partner" smellin', five thousand cat-ownin', gat totin'--" then he caught himself--"lovable little Kaede," he finished in a high pitched cheerful tone.

Clearing his throat, he continued. "So, who's with me?" Everyone immediatly started mumbling to themselves and turned and started working again. "Oh, okay. I see who it is then. Well, fine, fuck ya'll too, then! I can do this by my damn self!" Under his breath he muttered, "Kagome with yo fake ass Prada purse," picking her out for no particular reason except that he hated her to begin with.

He went down the hall to the supplies closet and grabbed several large poster boards and small peices of ply wood. Going back to his desk, he wrote on the boards phrases like "Lord of the West, the worst not the best," and "My pay ain't shit, you piece of shit!" He then glued the wood on the backs and walked outside, a bull horn under his arm. Going out front, he started marching around in a circle screaming, "One, two, three, four, I demand to be paid more! Five, six, seven, eight, all you ever do is hate!" People walking by stopped and watched his one man demonstration. "Mommy, why is that man talking to himself?" a little girl asked. "Oh, honey, people do that when they're crazy and hate the economy but are too lazy to get off their asses and really do something about it like run for office!" They walked on. Naraku chanted on.

"I don't know what I been told, Taisho Corp needs to be sold! Kill the leader, let him burn! Give people money they earn!" Sesshomaru was watching him from his office, not finished with Yura, but if it hadn't been for that, he wouldn't have noticed Naraku. Looking over her head, he saw the spider demon protesting. "Damn. Baby, we're gonna have to finish this another time. I got some buisness to take care of." Yura looked put off. "Oh, so what, you have some other ho waitn' on ya?" She snapped her fingers and twirked her head while saying it. "Um, no. But you're right about the fact that you're a ho. Now you need to go, ho." He held the door open for her. She gave him a ghetto, "I don't give a damn" look, then strutted out. Sesshomaru watched and mumbled, "Ooh, she got a Apple Bottom!" but shook his head and went back to the window.

A/N: I seem to be doing a lot of these Author Notes lately! Anyways, I bet some of you are wondering why I capitalized Apple Bottom. It's the name of Nelly's (the rapper!) clothing line. Being a girl, I never would have said that ladies have an apple bottom, but I guess it's a pretty good name! Okay, and we're back in five...four...three...two...one!

Giving the customary smirked, Sesshomaru finished dressing and jumped out the window and landed right behind Naraku. He chanted along with him, throwing in obsenities like "The roof! The roof! The roof is on fire! We don't need no water let the mother fucker burn!" Naraku stopped when he heard this and turned on him. "Oh, so you decided to pay a little visit to the most mistreated employee in the history of...of...of employing!" Sesshomaru still had his kimono front open, dazziling women (and strangly enough, some men) with his chest, making them stop and stare. And while staring, they listend. "Poor, poor Onigumo. Yes, literally poor. Because you lack the skills necessary to do your job, you take the easy way through things and pick on the little guy. Yes, _I'm _the little guy. Because I'm the one who has to deal with things like this. I hired you to make this company better. If you failed, that's on _you._ But when you fail, we've all failed. And so, in a sense, I have failed you. I'm sorry this company can't meet your needs. But it's also your fault for not making it. And so, here in front of all of these people, I'm firing you. Like Kikyou and Kaede, you're getting no benefits, no insurance, nothing. Goodbye, Onigumo. I suppose it was good while it lasted."

The area fell silent. Naraku gave an animalistic scream and threw the signs at Sesshomaru, intending for the wood to stab him through his heart. It missed and instead went through Kikyou's who had come once again to watch the festivities. "You bastard! Now you know why I would never sleep with you! You're aim is horrible!" And with that, she died, again, for good. (Maybe). Sulking like a child, Naraku pushed his way through the crowd on toward his home. "Oh, and I took the liberaty of calling your family. They've all agreed to come live with me." Sesshomaru called after him. But he didn't care. If marching with signs didn't work, he'd try something else. But as he was walking away, something else caught his attention and made him turn back.

There, in the middle of the crowd was Yozaru, who was half naked playing some kind of techno song and dancing around. He walked up to a few women (and men!) and started grinding on them, but all the while, he was speaking to them. Naraku edged closer to hear better. "Did you know that this company rakes in over 50 billion dollars a month, but emplyees are only paid about 50 dollars a month?" "Ohh, I didn't!" A woman squealed as he grinded on her. Yozaru ripped off his pants like a stripper and was left wearing a silver male's thong. The woman shoved some money in it and Yozaru danced over to his next target. "Despite what the media tells you, Taisho Unlimited's CEO, Sesshomaru, dosen't treat his workers fairly. We have to work long hours for little pay, and--"

He stopped for a moment to go over to a woman who was sitting on a bench. Getting down as though he were about to start walking on his hands, he put a leg on each side of her and started shaking his ass. "-- often he fires people with little or no benefits to show for their work." The woman also squealed like a school girl and shoved Benjamins in his thong. Yozaru got up to go over to someone else. In the middle of his stripe tease, Sesshomaru pressed stop on the CD player that had been going. "What the hell are you, a stripper?" Yozaru stopped dancing abruptly and looked coldly in his eyes. "No, I'm a protest stripper!" And then he went back to his dance. Sesshomaru had had enough of him and swung Toukijin at him. The blast only knocked him unconcious.

"Now, everybody leave. Show's over. You don't have to go home, but you sho' can't stay the hell here!" As everone dispersed, Naraku had to grin to himself. _Thanks, Yozaru. _So said demon still laid on the ground, unconcious and in his silver thong.

* * *

A bit of a weird chapter, but when reading my stories, that's what you have to expect! Oh, and the protest stripper wasn't my idea, it came from a show called The Underground, which comes on Showtime. Anyways, review and tell me what you though of it! 


	15. What No Money Can Buy

So, this is it! The last chapter! As always, read and enjoy!

**

* * *

**

What No Money Can Buy

Okay, so we're back to the begining. Me with no job, no friends, and now, no family. I sat on the couch of my torn apartment and ate a can of split pea soup. Hakudoshi was right, this shit _is _disgusting. I glanced over to the picture on the end table. He, Kagura, Kanna and I were all there, Kagura flipping the bird to a guy behind the photographer who was winking provacitively at her, Kanna was staring somewhere over the guy's shoulder, Hakudoshi had kicked me in my balls again, wearing that smile of great satisfaction, and I was bent over in pain. I gave a huge sigh. Those were the good times.

My phone rang. I didn't recognize the number on the caller ID, so I ignored it. After a moment, my voice came on. " Shh, shh, you two get quiet. Hey, you've reached Naraku's residence and Onigumo doesn't live here. If you have a message, make it quick, though I can't guarantee you that I'll check it. Also-- Hakudoshi! Don't Rock Bottom your sister! Okay, now where was I? Oh, um...damn! Alright, let me start all over again. Hey, this is Naraku, Onigumo dosen't live here--" In the background, I could hear Hakudoshi's voice. "Yeah, that broke ass spider Onigumo lives here! I bet no one knew that he's still a virgin! And he lived with his mom until he was thirty! And he wears scrotum-squeezers! And also--" I cut back in. "Shut the fuck up! Go out side and play or something." "Oh, you mean go play in the streets? We don't have a back yard anymore thanks to your broke ass!" I could hear the door opening and then being slammed shut.

"So, where were again? Oh yeah, if you have a message, make it quick 'cause--" Now Kanna interrupted me. "Naraku, I'm hungry." My clothes could be heard rustling as I tried to shoo her away. "Go make a sandwhich or something." "There's nothing in the cabinets but spiders and roaches." I gave a grunt, then said, "Fine, I'll go get something or whatever. Just leave me be!" Kanna got silent for a moment, then said. "Everything you do will fail until you do right by me." I stopped my umpteenth attempt to record the voice message and stared at her. "Miss Ceilie (_The Color Purple)_, I don't give a damn! Just leave me the fuck alone! Go stare at your brother and give him the people's eyebrow or something." The girl could be heard leaving. By this time, I was so exasperated that I just said, "Just leave a message after the beep," and ended my message.

That whole thing ended up being about five minutes. No one was going to wait that long. And yet, someone had! A red flashing told me that I had a message. I pressed the button to listen. "Mr. Onigumo, this is O'Brian Electric Company. I'm calling on behalf of your late bills. We have yet to have recieved a payment from you. You said that you needed to get some money wired to you from your mother, but that was over a month ago. Then you said your cousin in the U.S. had it, but we've checked your files and you don't have a cousin, only an uncle who escaped from a mental rehab and is now living in Ireland, fishing for boots in the sea and selling them for double the price it cost to buy them in the first place. We've come to the conclusion that you have no plans on paying us, therefore we will have to cut off your power. The next time we meet, Mr. Onigumo, we'd like you to have our money, cash preferably."

The beep sounded to announce the end of the message. " Fucking bill collectors! Worse than the damn IRS. Going to turn my power off! Please! Why the hell is it still on then?" Just then the lights flickered, then everything went dark. My phobia flared for just a minute, but I was able to think about the possibilities of going to something like Pudding Phobia Anonoymous and that quelled it. Yeah, even though I'm not scared of banna pudding, I'd like to see those courageous men and women who are there because they know that they can over come their fears. Though even I have to admit that being scared of pudding is a bit...off? I sighed and continued eating the worst soup ever invented. Campbell's needs to be slapped for even letting this hit the shelves.

-----------Sesshomaru's Castle

Kagura and Sesshomaru were sitting on his living room couch, her hands in his. "Kagura, you mean more to me than you'll ever know. I've had people who've come into my life, but leave just as quickly to go...other places. But I want you to always be with me. That's why I got you this." He turned around and pulled a red gift-wrapped box out of his pocket. "Oh, Sesshomaru! You couldn't! You really shouldn't have!" "That's why I didn't," he said and handed the box to her. She opened it and her smile disappeared. "What the hell is this?" "A calling card! I didn't ever want to lose contact with you so I got you one. Most people who enter my life leave so quickly. Well, then again, those people are usually dead by my hands, but that's besides the point. Now we can always talk to each other, no matter where we are. Isn't that great?"

Kagura put the box down on the coffee table. "Sesshomaru, I thought that you were going to give me a ring." Sesshomaru looked completly confused. "Why would I do something stupid like that?" "Because I though that...that...that you loved me." Kagura finished lamely. Sesshomaru gave a huge sigh and sat back. _Damn, how do I get myself into these situations? First Sara, then Yura, now Kagura. What am I, the most eligible bachlor? _"Look, Kagura, it's not that I don't care about you or anything, it's just that, well, there's others who want a tase of my love juice too. I can't just give it to one person 'cause that wouldn't be fair to the other women. You see what I'm saying?"

Kagura stared at him for a moment, then slapped him hard across the face. "Do you know what the fuck you're saying? That shit doesn't even make sense! 'my love juice'! Is that supposed to be another way of saying Pimp Juice?" "Of course not," Sesshomaru said, taking her hands in his again. "But you're the first person that I've ever cared about enough to get them a calling card. Isn't that saying something?" _Yeah, that you're extremely cheap, _Kagura thought. "So," Sesshomaru said, giving her a smirk. "Want to have a turn with the Silver Arrow? It bends easily and is adjustable to any handler." Kagura looked at him and smirked too. In a flash, she had grabbed him by his hand and was pulling him toward his room.

Slamming the door behind them, Sesshomaru commenced to trying to undress her, but her obi was stopping him. He was just about to cut through it when Kanna burst from the closet. "You two are gonna fuck, arn't ya?" She screamed for just about everyone to hear, while she jumped on the bed. "Fuckers, fuckers, fuckers!" "Kanna, get the hell out!" Kagura snapped. She left, but not without throwing a knowing smile over her shoulder before she disappeared around the corner.

"Now where were we?" Sesshomaru asked sexily, but stopped again. Looking around the room, he called out, "Is there anyone else who would like to leave?" No answer. Clearing his throat, his voice became deeper, more menacing. "I said, _is there anyone who would like to leave_?" A rustle under the bed led to a disgruntled Jaken crawling out, muttering and mumbling something that sounded like "Can't ever catch a good flick."

Sesshomaru surveyed the room one more time before finally turning back to Kagura. "The room is completly empty this time. So, how about we hop on the good foot and do the bad thing, baby?" Kagura just pushed him on the bed...

Down in the living room, Hakudoshi was trying to run game on Rin again. "Say, lil momma, why don't you let me hit up them digits?" "We live in the same house now, dumb ass," she said impassively, looking at a JC Penny's cataloge. Hakudoshi picked it up from her and flipped to the jewelry section. "Baby, you know I can treat you right. I can get you this..." He looked closer at the page. "Co-mem-erative pat-e-num, I'm mean platinum memory bracelet..." He trailed off noticing all of the charms on the bracelet. _This girl wants to remember ice skaing, some movie, a kiss, a dog, sunglasses?...some club by the initials FBLA, and a piece of candy. What the fuck?! And all of this for...$200! _

"Um, you know what Rin? You don't need a tacky bracelet. How about I give you..." He noticed the red box on the table and handed it to her. She opened it, looking genuinly surprised. When she noticed what it was, she gave him a bored/pissed off expression. "Hakudoshi, _this _is tacky." "Maybe it is and that's why Kagura left it here. Or maybe she liked it too much and that's why she and Sesshomaru are up there doing the do now."

Rin came to an abrupt halt in her reading. "What?!" "Yeah, Kanna said that they're about to do that grown-up wrestling." Rin threw the catalog aside and raced up the stairs, Hakudoshi right behind her. Without even waiting to be told to come in, she burst through the door. "Noooooo, Lord Sesshomaru! You can't fuck her! You just can't!" But niether was naked. But sat fully clothed, a Scrabble game between them.

Kagura looked thoughtfully at the board for a moment before laying down all of her letters. Afterward, she sat back with a satisfactory smile on her face. "Cosomgraphy. It's worth 39 points which gives me 110 points, making me the winner five games straight." Sesshomaru growled. "That ain't a word." "No, _ain't _isn't a word. Considering that it does not break down into two words like all other contractions, it's nothing more than a slang word. It doesn't really exist."

Sesshomaru screamed and flung the board through the window, not caring about breaking it. Then he started to chew on the letters like a mad man. Everyone stood back, not wanting to become the object of his wrath. After five minutes, and after Sesshomaru had transfromed into his dog state, he calmed down and turned back. As though nothing had happened, he turned to Rin and asked, "Now what was it you wanted? Something about me fucking Kagura?" Kagura threw him a look for his language, but he acted like he didn't see her. "Um, nothing," Rin said and backed slowly out of the room, then made a dash for down stairs.

Kanna was now sitting on the sofa, reading the magazine. "I want to go back to Naraku's," she said in her normal whispery voice. "Yeah, me too," Hakudoshi said. "This place just has _too _much drama for me. I'll go get Entei." A moment later, they both were on their way.

---------- Back at Naraku's slum

I had just finished eating that disgusting ass split pea soup when a loud pounding came from the door. "Who's there?" I called out. "Me, now answer the door, he-bitch! I'm freezing my chestnuts off out here!" Hakudoshi. I opened the door a crack, keeping the chain lock in place. Not for long. He kicked the door open, making it crash into my face. The little bastard and his sister walked by me and threw their stuff on the living room couch. So much for finally having some peace and quiet. Just as I was about to shut the door again, Kagura walked in. "What happened to you and Sesshomaru? I thought you just adored that damn hippie." "He wansn't all that cracked up as I had hoped. The guy has some serious issues that he needs to work on, especially with spelling."

As they all started rummaging the house for food that wasn't there, I noticed something. Sure, Sesshomaru had tooken my company. He even took away my money, my job, and for a moment, my incarnations. But them coming back proves that they care more than they'll ever let on. In fact, I'd like to think of them as my family.

* * *

And so concludes my fanfiction writing! I want to thank all of you who reviewed because of course your comments kept the story alive and burning! And even if you didn't review, hey, that's alright! I hope you got some pretty good laughs from reading my stories! I give permission to anyone who wants to, to do remixes, sequels, etcetera, just make sure that you put where you got the original idea from (hey, I'm might not be getting paid for this, but I still would like people to remember me!) Also, I might (emphasis on might!) be doing a story with KwaiiBitch13, if my muse gets to working, but that will be my true last piece. So, finishing up my farewell address (ha-ha, social studies!) I love all of you, thank you once again, and peace out! My the force of comedy be with you!!!

----Sincerly,

Amanda aka A.D. Williams


End file.
